Bound to Your Side
by Erika Hearken
Summary: Allen has grown tired and frustrated with Kanda's hatred toward him. After a particularly hard day, Allen finds himself in a very scary predicament with a stranger in his room. WARNINGS: Dark themes, Non-Con, Yaoi, Possible Character Death
1. Bound to Your Side

_**EH**: So, another fanfic in process. I've fallen head over heels in love with the sounds of Apocolyptica and especially the song S.O.S. (Anything but Love). So here is a fanfic based off of this darkly haunting song._

_Before I get this going, there are a few WARNINGS. Such as, A. this is going to be rated M for a REASON; B. this is going to be DARK and rather angsty; C. there will be Non-Consentual sex (aka rape) and quite possibly character death. The last bit hasn't been quite figured out yet seeing as how all my fanfics tend to take on a life of their own. I'm not sure how quick I'll be able to post or write. So it may take a while to post, then again it may take no time at all. Just keep watching. _

_So, I suppose you've been warned. If you are young and innocent, this is not for you kiddies. If you are old enough to understand and/or absolutely not innocent mentally or physically, go right on ahead. Without further adieu..._

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**Bound to Your Side  
**Prologue

Another heated glare greeted Allen as he walked away from the now fill garbage from his lunch waste. Allen glanced over toward the person the glare was emanating from to be met with the cool, dark eyes that belonged to Kanda. The young exorcist was very put-out by this and glared back. Whipping his eyes away from Kanda's gaze, Allen stormed forward. Once in the hallway, his brave façade faded to a dull aching in the center of his chest. It would always be beyond him to know how to fix whatever it was that he'd done to cause Kanda such hatred toward him.

A glance at his red arm caused the dull ache in Allen's chest to throb. How could one so cursed be able to disassociate himself from his problem? He heaved a heavy sigh and dragged himself the rest of the way through the hallways to his room. Once inside, he allowed his now tired body to flop on the mattress of his bed. He rolled over onto his back and draped an arm over his eyes. Unfortunately, sleep didn't come to his poor mind. Ghostly images of people he'd seen die, his 'father' Mana, all the souls he had not been able to save, his role in this world, the Noah, the Earl, but worst of all Kanda's face haunted his plagued mind above all else. Allen groaned and rolled onto his side hugging himself. He glared at the bricks of the wall facing him. It wasn't anything new to feel this way. He'd really gotten used to feeling rotten whenever Kanda looked at him. How could he blame the Japanese man? Wouldn't he do the same if he were in his shoes? It was a miracle that the other exorcist didn't kill him yet. Not that he hadn't tried it yet…

A persistent knock sounded from Allen's door. He grunted and stood up, making his way to the door. He composed himself and plastered on his fake happy face to open the door. Lavi stared back at the half-dead looking exorcist.

"Oi, Allen-kun…are you doing okay?" Lavi asked, automatically feeling Allen's forehead.

Allen just waved his hand, "Yeah! Fine as always! What did you need?"

"Mission. You and I gotta go on a stupid errand run." The older man shrugged and tossed his red hair out of his eyes with a head toss. "Something about Jerry needing more blueberries or something…"

Allen's smile turned into a deadpan expression. "Blueberries? Just…blueberries?"

"Yup!"

"…all right then. Not that it isn't random enough, oh well. Let's go." Allen reached into his room and grabbed his jacket and threw it on.

Lavi walked beside Allen with his hands crossed behind his head. Both men kept walking along the corridors until they reached the doorway to Komui's office. They paused before opening the doors and entering the chaotic office. Komui was sipping coffee and actually working for once. Allen approached the sloppy desk of paperwork, coffee stains, and cigarette ash from Reever's bad habit. Komui slowly looked up and offered a very tired smile.

"Thanks guys for running to get the two hundred pounds of blueberries for Jerry. I'm too swamped to send anyone here." Komui yawned and sat back in his desk. His back protested the movement by allowing everyone to know by loudly popping.

"Two hundred pounds!" Allen proclaimed in shock. Who in their right mind would need—then again, Jerry was cooking for several hundreds of people. He shook his head in dismay and nodded to Komui. "Where do we need to go?"

"Here…" Komui slipped them a piece of paper with a horribly drawn map. Both men looked at it but neither had the heart to tell Komui they couldn't find the back side of a donkey with this drawing.

"Okiedokie! We'll be back as soon as we figure out this ma---" Lavi grunted in pain as Allen's elbow met his ribcage.

"As soon as we get the berries." Allen corrected and smiled at the very exhausted oldest Lee sibling. He guided Lavi out of the office and steered him toward the cafeteria.

"Oi! Why'd you do that!" Lavi whined, rubbing his ribcage. "And where're we goin''?"

Allen sighed, exasperated already. "Couldn't you see how tired Komui-san was? We're going to the cafeteria to get a better drawing from Jerry."

"Yeah, he seems pretty tired." Lavi agreed as they entered the cafeteria and reached Jerry.

After getting a semi-proper, easier to read (though not by much) copy of a map from Jerry they headed out. It took them a little while to finally find the store that had the stock of berries for Jerry. They paid for them with the money Jerry gave them, and loaded a cart they also had to buy. Lavi and Allen pushed the cart all the way back to headquarters. By the time they both reached headquarters, the sun was setting over the horizon. Both Lavi and Allen had collapsed on the steps, panting and sweating. Allen looked past his feet at the ominous cart and pulled himself up.

"Well, they aren't going to move themselves."

"Meanin' we gotta get up." Lavi slowly pulled himself up to stare at the cart himself. "Remind me again why'd we agree to this?"

Allen shrugged and moved to his feet. He and Lavi somehow managed to maneuver the cart up the stairs and inside. After a good fifteen minutes after getting it inside, they arrived in the kitchen with it and pushed it into the storing fridge.

"Oh! How marvelous! Thank you again!" Jerry clapped over-exuberantly. "And tomorrow, I'll be sure to wake you both up suuuuuper early to get the very first muffins for payment!"

Lavi stared at Jerry. His visible eye twitched and his mouth opened to say something. Allen clapped his hand over Lavi's mouth and smiles politely at Jerry. "Thank you, Jerry for such kindness! But you really don't have to go to such lengths. Really. We'll be just fine with whatever you have."

Jerry pouted at him but seemed to take that answer and returned to the dinner rush. Allen dragged Lavi out of the kitchen. He let the redhead go.

"Why'd you do that?" Lavi rubbed his mouth.

"Jerry's being nice. Or…whatever he can think of as nice to pay us back." Allen's stomach growled loudly. "Let's just relax and eat some dinner?"

Lavi grinned and nodded. "Sounds like a plan!"

Allen hopped in line only to instantly regret it. He knew that black pony tail anywhere. Just as Allen was about to back up, Lavi knocked into him just enough to plant his nose into Kanda's back. Allen felt the rays of penetrating doom rain down upon him as the back sudden was gone and he was faced with gleaming metal and pissed off eyes. Upon seeing Allen, Kanda's eyes seemed to darken even more with unknown depths of hatred. If there was a way to back up, Allen would have loved to have found it.

"Oi. Moyashi. Watch it." Kanda grunted in irritation.

Allen grew frustrated with that nickname he hated so much. "Maybe if you called by my name, I would listen more often."

"Baka usagi. Watch your runt more closely. Wouldn't want him to get all sliced up would you?"

"Heh. Yuu-chan, what put ya in such a bad mood huh?" Lavi rubbed the back of his head with that teasing smirk on his face.

Allen went to retort when Kanda cut him off. "Tch. Keep watch over the midget would you? And never call me that name again."

Again, Allen was cut off, but by Lavi. "What name, Yuu-chan? And wouldn't it be nice if 'mommy' watched the kids for once?" Lavi just grinned as Kanda's face turned red.

Allen had it. It was enough. He couldn't stand having people talk about him like he wasn't there. He was hungry, tired, and now sore from all his work earlier. Allen Walker did something very out of character. He turned and slammed a fist into both Kanda and Lavi's faces before storming from the cafeteria without food.

Kanda recovered quicker than Lavi and spewed a few curses heatedly under his breath in Japanese while Lavi blinked and then turned to stare after Allen.

"Well that was off. Don'tcha think, Yuu-chan?"

"I said not to call me by that name." Mugen was already being unsheathed yet again.

Lavi wrapped his arms behind his head. "Awwww, come on, Yuu. But really, don'tcha think that was a little too odd for Allen-kun?"

"Tch. Like I care." Kanda turned and moved forward in the line and ordered his dinner of soba before exiting the cafeteria to take his food to his room for once.

Lavi sighed and shook his head trying to figure out when he had become the last masculine male in their little group of exorcists.

Allen sulked on his bed. He tucked his knees under his chin and hugged them to his chest. Tincampy slowly floated over and sat next to him on his bed and rubbed against Allen's side. Allen ignored the small golem. His head was overflowing with emotions he couldn't understand and wasn't sure he wanted to understand. Since when did he become so damn sensitive to the stupidest and slightest things? With a growl, he threw himself backwards to lie down. He immediately regretted that decision as his head smashed into the wall. The small exorcist instantly became a human ball. He grabbed his pain and whimpered in pain. He saw stars blur over his eyes for a few seconds before clearing up. His vision remained slightly blurred from the tears that gathered in his eyes. Allen rolled to the side and put his feet on the floor. He staggered his way to the small bathroom he had adjoined to his room and looked for any red liquid in his head of white hair. He saw none, luckily enough, but still felt a little dizzy. He slid to the floor and waited for the dizziness to subside. After a good five minutes, the dizziness had worn off and left pain in its wake. Allen stared at his sink for a good long while. He didn't even notice time passing until his clock tolled quietly in his main room letting him know it was midnight.

He looked out into his main room and felt his stomach gurgle in protest to being unfed for so long. Allen didn't have the patience to leave his room and go find food. Nor did he want to incur the wrath of Jerry for digging into his food supply. Unsure what to do, he pulled himself up from the floor and wandered into his main room.

Just as he reached his bed, he heard his door open and shut. Allen stopped and turned to greet whoever had entered and instead was met with sudden darkness as the light shut off. A cold sweat broke out over Allen's skin. For some reason, he couldn't fight the fear that immobilized him where he stood. There were only a handful of people who could get into his room. So he couldn't exactly attack them. Besides what if it was only a power outage or something? All thoughts stilled when the sound of a boot moving forward filled the silence.

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_**EH**: So, first chapter definitely not all that dark or angsty. Next chapter will definitely be darker and well, the reason for the M. Please forgive any spelling errors or grammatical errors seeing as how I have no Beta to go over my chapters. _

_If you have any questions on what certain Japanese words mean, go ahead and ask through the comments and I'll post it in the beginning or end of the next chapter. Please comment or give me suggestions. I can't improve without feedback. Flame is not so kindly accepted, but constructive criticism is more than welcome. Thank you all for reading. _

_Sincerely, Erika Hearken._


	2. Trapped in Silence

_**EH**: Okay! Thank you all who reviewed the first chapter! And thank you very much for informing me that Reever doesn't like to smoke. I mixed up my Havoc and my Reever. -tear tear- Sorry about that. Anyways!_

_Soooo, you know that warning I gave in the beginning? Yeah. This chapter will definately reflect WHY its there. If you need to review the warning, go back to chapter one and re-read the warnings. If you are not one for non-consentual sex, I would suggest skipping this chapter...and probably entire fiction. But, anyways. Here comes the dark stuff! Enjoy! Or...at least...read. _

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**Trapped in Silence  
**Chapter One

Allen stared into the darkness and felt frozen. The footfalls of boot-clad feet walking forward slowly sped his heart up until it felt like it would burst from his chest. He raised his left arm slowly in reaction. Allen was slowly able to make out a figure that was eerily close as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and the tiny sliver of moonlight. The glint of the moonlight off of the edge of a blade was the catalyst Allen needed. His innocence activated as he swung toward the intruder only to have the blade crash onto his arm and his other arm caught in the grip of the stranger. Allen was flung effortlessly onto his bed with a crash as the mattress broke down from the frame onto the floor. He attempted to yell, do something, anything. Lips crushed Allen's to his lips. The metallic sting of copper invaded his taste buds as the pain caused his lips to swell under the pressure.

Tears leaked from his eyes as he tried to fight back. He wriggled in a vain effort to break free of the harsh grip. Allen felt something rough and hard push against the inside of his thigh. His eyes flew open after he had unconsciously shut them. Black, long hair spilled into his face as recognition came crashing down upon him. Dark eyes glared down at him as the oxymoronic soft lips twisted into a devious, smirking sneer. Allen felt his whole world shift with his stomach as the acid filled organ flopped and queasiness took hold of him. He gagged on his own breath as he attempted to roll over and make sure his wind pipes would be clear in the worst case scenario. The chuckle that filled his ears made him flinch. His fingers twitched as he fought the pathetic whimper that escaped his lips. He cursed himself over and over again in his head as the grip tightened.

"K-Kanda…" Allen tried so very hard to keep his voice even and hide the fear in his tone, "W-what are you doing?"

No reply, at not audible, came from the man. Instead Allen looked up to see the most demonic looking grin he could ever even think of upon Kanda's features. Allen froze all over again as sweat dripped down into his right eye. The salt from his sweat caused his eye to sting. Kanda crushed his lips to Allen's again. This time, copper liquid came quicker and in a larger amount. Teeth clamped down upon Allen's lips, tearing into the flesh inside his mouth. Pain blurred over Allen's eyes.

"Are you scared…moyashi…?" His voice was so darkly velveteen over Allen's skin. It actually caused Allen to shiver uncontrollably.

"N-no."

"You lie terribly." Allen's body completely ceased all motion. That is, all but his eyes ceased to move. Allen's eyes widened considerably. Kanda had somehow distracted him long enough to shift both of Allen's hands into one grip. It was where Kanda's hand was that had Allen worried.

A flashback to his time with Cross came rushing back all too suddenly. Cross had been dragging a reluctant Allen behind him when they walked into a building with many women dressed prettily. Allen's eyes had wandered to a particularly odd looking woman in a very revealing outfit. To his surprise, the woman seemed very muscular and very flat in the chest compared to the others. He had looked to his master in curiosity only to find him off with another woman. Allen had rolled his eyes then turned back to find the one woman moving into a room with a man. If Cross wasn't around to tell him why a woman would bind herself so tightly, then Allen was going to find out for himself. He moved to peek into the room. He felt dirty for peeking in on the two, but curiosity was reigning supreme to the young boy. He watched as the man removed the woman's top. Allen's features had drained of any color at all as the woman's chest was instead very well defined and very much male. Allen thought he was seeing things so he had rubbed his eyes to clear them before seeing it clarified as the skirt slid down and male anatomy was produced.

Allen's eyes had officially become the size of saucers. A hand clamped down on his shoulder as he was physically drawn backwards and dragged away. Allen, too shocked to fight back, allowed the person to drag him away. A woman's voice filled his ears though her words didn't really register with him. It wasn't until he heard Cross' voice that he turned and stared at his master.

"Can't you keep your pupil under better watch?" The woman snapped at Cross.

"…Don't you have any work he could do? Dish washing? Laundry? I'm sure there's plenty of stuff around here to do…" Cross stated in a bored tone.

"I can't have a child in here. Take him and find a sitter at least before you take on some of my girls." She practically tossed Allen at Cross. Cross let Allen fall on his face while standing and grumbling.

Allen was picked up and hooked over Cross' shoulder as the smoking red head wandered out of the brothel and headed down the street. Allen finally regained his head as he hung there without complaint. Cross has taken note of this as he had slowed his pace and stopped his grumblings.

"What's wrong with you? You'd normally be frustrated by this…" Cross motioned by shifting his hand holding Allen a bit to sway the boy back and forth behind him.

"Why was a man paying for a man to bed with?"

Silence greeted the air as they stopped. Allen looked over his shoulder, or at least as best as he could. "I mean…isn't that…doesn't it not…work?"

"Remember the lesson I taught you about women's bodies?" Allen flushed crimson at that mention and nodded. Cross figured the silence was enough of an indicator, "Well. Men use OTHER holes…"

Allen frowned and stared at the ground. "Other?"

Cross rolled his eyes and took a long drag. "Nothing like explainin' gay sex to a kid in the morning…"

"It's late afternoon."

"Shut up." Cross grumbled before dropping Allen suddenly. Allen hissed in pain as his butt hit the ground roughly. "What you landed on, is where they stick it."

With that, Cross had left a very stunned and very shell-shocked Allen sitting on the pavement as he wandered off to find a bar to get a drink.

Allen shifted suddenly very uncomfortable with the fact that Kanda's hand was now on his ass and running upwards toward his crotch.

"Stop it! Stop, Kanda!" Allen moved his hips around in an effort to escape Kanda's hand.

"Why?"

"I don't want it! I don't want this! Stop it!"

Kanda moved and breathed into Allen's ear sending another wave a shivers down his spine. "You forgot the part where I don't give a damn, moyashi…"

The world spun too quickly for Allen's liking as he found himself pinned, face down to the mattress. He cried out in pain as Kanda literally ripped his pants off. The sound of tearing fabric, breaking threads, and burning of the friction as the fabric was torn across his skin made Allen's eyes fill with a new wave of tears. He whispered, begging Kanda to stop although he knew it was useless. Allen screamed in pain as his head was jerked violently backwards by a hand fisted in his hair. He felt the cold air of the room move around his pelvis freely.

"P-please…" Allen whimpered. Kanda seemed to still long enough to give Allen hope before something poked his in the rear. Something hard and very warm. His entire body chilled.

"…Hmmm," Kanda's hum sounded too close to his ears, "I'm going to say…no."

Kanda slammed himself inside Allen. Allen's eyes filled with white and red as he screamed, feeling unimaginable pain. Nothing he'd ever felt compared this pain. It was a grip on his body and his heart. He felt his heart ripping to shreds emotionally as his ass was possessed physically by Kanda. He shed his tears freely now, more concerned about the pain than his shame. Allen grabbed onto the edge of his bed and attempted to crawl away before Kanda grabbed both of his wrists and pulling him back. The jarring motion only made the pain worse. Kanda moved himself outward and Allen prayed that it was over. Much to his disappointment, Kanda slammed back into Allen. He set a violent, rough tempo inside Allen. Kanda gripped Allen's wrists behind his back with one hand while the other moved Allen's hips back and forth to his sadistic rhythm.

"K-KANDA!!" Allen cried, "I-IT HURTS! STOP!"

Kanda grunted and groaned before grinding out, "No…"

Allen couldn't even struggle. He felt so helpless and hated it. Kanda's one hand moved down his hip to his thigh as Kanda shifted for better comfort to him. As if a light switch had been flicked on, Allen's eyes widened as the pain ceased and something else filled his senses. A warm pool filled in his lower stomach region as his skin began to tingle. His eyes slowly fluttered shut and a low groan escaped his lips. As much as he fought it, it felt so wrongly good. Before he could do anything, he began to push his hips back into Kanda's thrusts. Kanda groaned and ran his hand up to Allen's crotch. Allen's mouth fell open as Kanda's hand found his newly aroused penis. Kanda rubbed his calloused hand over Allen's member before gripping it and pumping his hand over it to the same grinding rhythm he'd set with his own inside Allen. Both men began to pant and groan louder.

Allen watched as white specks filled the back of his eyelids. Just as he felt like the end was almost there, Kanda suddenly stopped and flipped Allen back over onto his back. Allen whimpered in irritation as the good feeling just suddenly stopped. Kanda before the same rhythm again from a new angle and Allen's mouth opened into a silent scream. He hadn't believed it could feel better, and here he was being proven wrong. From this new angle he could feel every throb of Kanda's penis inside his tight passage. Allen moved his own hand down to his arousal and began to frantically move his hand up and down, squeezing it trying to seek out relief. Kanda's chuckle only made Allen's member harden more in his hand. Allen glared up at Kanda in an accusatory manner. Allen's hand moved quickly as he closed his eyes and moved his hips to Kanda's. He felt Kanda's hands on his hips, guiding him in their own dance. Allen grit his teeth as he began to buck his hips up to his hand which caused a loud and long his from Kanda. Both moved faster and harder. Allen added his second had to squeeze and pump himself. He felt like he was going to explode.

"Ungh! Ungh! Ungh!" Allen grunted as he panted heavily. Again white specks filled his eyes. This time, he felt everything build before it suddenly exploded throughout his abdomen. He felt his own climax literally coat his hands in a warm, sticky substance as Kanda moved a few more times.

Kanda threw his head back and allowed a long and low groan to slide from his mouth. Allen shivered from the sight and sound of Kanda like that. As soon as his orgasm began to fade, disgust and shame began to crush his heart. Allen felt guilty for allowing himself to lose control like that. He hated himself for liking what had just happened. It was so wrong. Kanda pulled free and yanked his trousers back up, readjusting his belt around his hips before hopping up and walking to the door. He looked back and snorted at Allen before grabbing mugen and leaving. Just like that, he walked out as if nothing had happened.

Allen stared after Kanda for what seemed like an eternity before he curled up into a ball and sobbed into himself. He ignored the quiet sounds of the night. He ignored the moonlight shining on his face in an ironically peaceful manner. He ignored everything but the empty ache in his chest. He eventually moved from his bed and stumbled to the bathroom before falling into the shower.

He stood in the shower, scrubbing himself raw. Allen's skin began to take on a reddish hue before he finally became too angry and frustrated by the dirt that wouldn't go away. He threw the soap and wash rag at the wall with all of the strength he could muster. He screamed in all his agitation and slid down to the floor of the shower. The grime he felt wouldn't burn off or scrub off. He stared at the floor of the shower.

"If only I hadn't…I hadn't been so stupid. So open…if only I'd attacked first. If only I'd locked the door…if only…if only…" Running out of reasons to blame himself, Allen shut his eyes and put his forehead on his knees. "If only I hadn't become an exorcist…"

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_**EH**: Okay, so I've attempted yaoi in the past, but it's never made it to fiction that I know of... But this is definitely the FIRST yaoi smut I've ever written. Or...yaoi non-con. Please be gentle when commenting. I know it's not the best, but I'm working on it. I hope this fiction is living up to its warnings! Or at least one of them so far. Hope it was decent! Please to comment and review so that I can continue to improve. Thank you again for reading!_

_Oh, and I've been trying a new layout per se. I normally write flashbacks with italics. I also write in thoughts, on normal occasions. But for some reason this fiction is turning out differently. So, please let me know how it's working. _

_Sincerely, Erika Hearken._


	3. Just a Possession

_**EH**: All righty! Another chapter! Thank you all for the reviews. Now, I know some of you may have been curious as to why Allen would...react...the way he did but I'm going to hint ahead to a little thing called Stockholm Syndrome. Normally it's found in abduction victims, but here it's used differently. Anyways, there's the answer for you! Thanks for asking so I could help make sense of that part. Anyways, this chapter will probably suck. I really didn't feel like it went entirely as I wanted it to, but in the end it worked out a bit better. So, here we are! Chapter two! No smexiness in this one, but I promise in the next! _

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**Just a Possession  
**Chapter Two

Kanda woke with a start, covered in a thick sheet of sweat. He frowned as he tried to recall whatever he was doing before he lost consciousness. He sat up and looked around his room. He didn't remember falling asleep, that was certain. He remembered being in the training area meditating before everything just blanked. Kanda shook his head and made his way to his bathroom before showering and changing. He went to grab Mugen from its stand on the left side of the bathroom door but came up empty handed. He stopped in his tracks and looked down. Eyes narrowed, he scanned the room before finding it lying randomly by the door as if just tossed back into his room. His vision tinted red at the edges. Someone was going to die today for touching his sword.

Kanda stepped out of his room, Mugen strapped to his hip, and made his way to the cafeteria for breakfast. As soon as his foot hit the top step, a very angry Lenalee was glaring him down. He stared at her with a non-amused expression. He stepped to the right to have her block his move. She repeated the motion when he stepped to the left. Finally growing irritated his glowered at her.

"What do you want?"

"What did you do to Allen?" Lenalee poked a small finger into Kanda's chest.

Kanda stared at her confused before growling. "I have no idea what you're talking about." But, again, as he tried to pass she blocked his way.

"Don't give me that! He's completely out of character! And someone said they saw _you_ leaving his room last night!"

Kanda stared at Lenalee blankly. "What?"

Lenalee sighed in frustration, throwing her hands in the air. "Fine! Don't tell me! But if I find you did something terrible to him…I swear, Kanda, I'll make you pay!"

Kanda stood in her angry wake trying to make sense of the confrontation. Nothing was making sense at the moment. He shook his head and headed down the stairs. Once he reached the cafeteria, he breathed a silent sigh of relief. After grabbing his meal, he sat down and began to eat. Before he could even begin to enjoy his food, he became frustrated by the presence of the stupid rabbit sitting across from him. He set his chopsticks down to look up and glare at the annoying, red headed nuisance.

"What do you want?" Kanda grumbled and watched Lavi shift under his glare.

"You didn't…do anything to Allen last night, did you?"

Kanda snarled and felt this day was going to be a very long one. "Why the hell is everyone asking me?"

"Well, he won't come out of his room. And a finder said they saw you come out of his room last night with some blood on you…" Lavi trailed off and stared intently at Kanda.

"I wasn't there..." Kanda stated firmly. He knew all too well that Lavi saw right through him to the uncertainty in Kanda's own statement. Lavi, unlike Lenalee, nodded and gave up without pushing further.

"Maybe you should talk to him? And I mean talkin' Yuu-chan. Not beatin' him up." Lavi added in an odd tone that caused Kanda's ire to rise even more. Kanda watched the fool walk away before getting up and tossing his food away.

After losing his appetite, Kanda went to the training area and worked himself into a heavy sweat. He couldn't figure out why he had no recollection of whatever he apparently did before he passed out. Kanda grew even more frustrated and flopped onto the floor, frowning at the floor.

"Damnit all. Moyashi seems to be the only one who knows." He rose and reluctantly dragged himself to the young exorcist's room.

He brought his knuckles up to the hard surface of the door and knocked. Waiting, Kanda leaned against the doorframe. When no response came he pounded harder on the door. After another bought of silence, Kanda kicked the door. He could faintly hear the sound of shuffling feet moving toward the door. He waited, knowing the moyashi was peeking out. Still no answer. Rolling his eyes, Kanda gripped the handle. To his disgust, the door was locked. Having no patience left, Kanda mustered every ounce of strength he had and threw his foot against where the lock was. The door flew open with the sound of splintering wood and clattering metal. He stepped into the small room, fed up and glaring at the smaller exorcist.

Allen's eyes were comparable to tea saucers as he stared at the mess and then at Kanda. His face had drained of all color at the sight of angry Kanda. His palms became cold and sweaty as he gripped his knees to his chest even harder. Allen mustered the guts to glare back at Kanda.

"Go away!"

Kanda was shocked by how weak Allen sounded. Something was definitely off, not that he cared. "Not until you answer some questions."

"Haven't you done _enough_!" Allen whimpered the last word before looking further upset.

Kanda growled, "That's the point! What the hell is the problem?"

Allen stared at Kanda in complete shock before rage took over. He jumped to his feet. "What's the _problem_?"

"That's what I said, baka moyashi!"

"D-DON'T you DARE pretend you didn't…didn't…_do_ that last night!!!" Allen screamed, picking up the nearest item and hocking it at Kanda's head. The boot flew so fast Kanda nearly couldn't dodge it. Allen's eyes were flowing over with tears at that point.

Kanda's eyes narrowed as his patience flew out the window. He crossed the room and grabbed Allen by the neck, slamming the smaller man against the wall. "WHAT the HELL are you talking about!"

Allen grabbed Kanda's hands and coughed, trying to breath. Kanda let up enough for Allen to be able to speak. "H-How dare you pretend you didn't-"

"Didn't what?!" Kanda snapped.

"_Rape_ _me_!" Allen emphasized with a knee to Kanda's groin.

As if the knee to the groin wasn't enough, the shocking blow of the words Allen screamed made _the_ Kanda Yuu stumble backward until he fell flat out on his ass. He stared at Allen without seeing the crying man crumbled to the floor. Instead, everything came back in a rush. Very blurry images of him doing something to someone on a bed came rushing through his head so fast and in such a dizzying way that Kanda's head began to throb. He felt like he had shoved his head into a stack of needles searching for the single hay strand. Gripping his head, he sat shaking his head. Picking up the same boot Allen had thrown at him, he chucked it at the wall above Allen's head before standing and storming out of the room.

He didn't know where to go. It didn't make sense! He didn't remember doing anything like that himself! Nor would he ever do that to ANYONE let alone the moyashi! What the hell had he done? He stormed into the library and over to Lavi. He sunk into a chair across from the redhead. He couldn't believe the words, even as he said them that came from his mouth.

"I need your help…"

Lavi's mouth fell open and the small amount of caffeinated substance in his mouth spilled onto the book below. Snapping to, Lavi used his sleeve to attempt to clean up the mess. His eyes moved back to Kanda's face. Doubt filled them, although he knew he'd heard Kanda correctly.

"What kinda help we talkin' here?"

Gritting his teeth and taking a deep breath, Kanda started. "I think I'm doing things…unconsciously."

"Like sleep walkin'?" Lavi raised an eyebrow. How could he help Kanda with that?

"I guess. I," Kanda glared down at the table top, "I did something to moyashi that I don't honestly remember…"

Lavi stared at Kanda trying to read the meaning behind Kanda's words. He pursed his lips in thought. "Well, we could set up a buncha cameras in your room."

Kanda responded with a snarl.

"Didn't think that was an option. But if you're sleep walkin', maybe having someone watch would be smart. Ya know?" Lavi scratched his head, "Or maybe just watchin' Allen's door?"

"That sounds better."

"But whatcha gonna do if Allen finds out?"

"He'll have to deal."

"Don'tcha think he'll be a bit upset?"

"At what point do I care?"

Lavi stared at Kanda with an oddly serious expression. "Because you wouldn't be here if you weren't concerned for what you might do to him."

"Tch!" Kanda stood up and sneered at Lavi. "I should have known better than to come to you. Baka usagi!"

Lavi leaned on his right hand and watched the Asian male storm out. He shook his head, knowing there was something going on in Kanda's head. Maybe something even Lavi himself couldn't help the man with. But that didn't mean Lavi wouldn't try. He got up and wandered off on his own little mission. To the electronics basement it was…even if Komui would kill him later, it was worth it if he could help protect two friends in one go. He didn't know what Kanda had done to Allen, but if he was asking for help it had to be pretty bad.

Kanda slammed his bedroom door and grumbled all the way to the bathroom. He stripped and climbed into the shower for the second time that day. The hot water running down his skin distracted him from his current problems. At least, until his brain woke up in a flurry of memories he didn't remember taking a conscious role in. The images of a screaming, half naked Allen sprawled out under him crippled Kanda. He lost balance and hit the floor of the shower, holding himself up barely. He gasped for air as his head seemed to throb and explode with images. Before he even knew it, hot tears mingled with the hot water droplets as his body shook. What had he done? What in hell had he done? He closed his eyes and felt very heavy. Kanda's arms gave way as his mind fell completely blank and his body gave way to sleep.

* * *

_**EH**: Yup. That's it. Not much to write home about. But I'm working on the second chapter now...sort of. I'm actually staring at the steaks I just made for dinner getting cold. Quite lonely those little steaks... Sorry! Anyways! Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks! (PS: I hope the grammer and stuff is better. I tried to re-read through and fix it up before posting.)_


	4. Is it Sex or Only Violence

_**EH:** Hey all! First of all, my apologies. I felt the need to just get this out. So I didn't get the chance to read through it. So I apologize for any errors. I did the normal spell-check and schtuff. So hopefully it's okay. If not, again, my apologies. Second apology, sorry for not updating. I was going to update asap this time...but life happened. Thank you all for your patience AND reviews! It really helps me push forward and continue the story. It's always nice to read reviews and make sure I can keep in mind what advice was given and what people are enjoying. _

_Now, I know I said it'd be later until you find out WTF is up with Kanda...but hell. It worked out decently this way. Besides, it's not over yet! Mwahahaha! Oh! And last apology! Not smutty chapter! I know, throw the tomatoes. I'm horrible. But I DO promise you a smutty chapter in the future... I know that's what _**I**_ look for in fanfics while reading them. I mean, come on? Smut? Makes life better. All right! Enough rambling! On to the chapter!_

* * *

**Is it Sex or Only Violence**  
Chapter Three

Allen stared at the giant mess Kanda had left. He was still frozen in the place he'd been when Kanda fell before chucking a boot at his head. Allen wasn't sure if he was still in shock because the boot missed or if it was because Kanda had run away. A dark little voice at the back of his head said Kanda fled because Kanda didn't want to face what he'd done and that Allen was right. Allen didn't even hear Lenalee enter. He barely registered her gasp and crying of his name. It wasn't until her gentle hand settled on his shoulder that he screamed in surprise and backed away from her.

"A-Allen-kun…" Lenalee stared at Allen with a very worried expression. "It's just me."

"S-Sorry, I just…" What could he say? He thought she was Kanda come back to finish the job?

"Thought I was someone else?"

Allen cursed her intuition. He shook his head to deny her claim, but she saw through him. Her eyes narrowed at him before she grabbed his arm and dragged him into an embrace.

"Shhhh…it's okay. I'm here now, I won't let him hurt you…" She whispered while rocking him softly in her arms. Allen felt the dam break as the tears flowed again.

"H-How did you k-know?" Allen hiccupped from his upset state.

"Who else would hurt you so badly you'd fear him?" Lenalee's eyes dropped several tears, "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you, Allen."

"I-it's not your job to protect me. I'm supposed to protect people…"

"What kind of friend am I for not helping you?" Lenalee sat back and looked Allen in the face. "What did he do to you? You're trembling."

Allen broke eye contact and stared at the floor. Why did he feel horrible for her blaming Kanda? "He just…got mad at me. And we kinda fought. That's all. It's stupid really!" Allen looked up with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Lenalee frowned, unconvinced. "Allen…"

"Whoa! Look at this mess, wouldn't you! Hahaha! It's a disaster! Guess that's my fault for playing around with my arm, huh?" Allen got to his feet and rushed to start cleaning up the mess. Lenalee watched, pained by Allen's fake façade. She rose to her feet and dusted her skirt.

She walked to the door and looked back, "You know where to find me. If anything, and I mean _anything_ scares you…call on me. You're my friend, Allen. And I'll do everything I can to protect you…"

Allen stopped, hearing a small 'this time' before Lenalee's footfalls faded off into silence down the hall. He sighed and turned around looking out the door, longing to run after her and sob into her shoulder what happened. But, he couldn't betray Kanda like that… Growing frustrated with himself, he turned and threw a larger piece of wood out the door as hard as he could.

He huffed and turned back to cleaning up when a frighteningly familiar chuckle filled the silence. Allen turned slowly to find Kanda standing in the doorway with that menacing smirk on his lips. Allen took notice of the change in Kanda since earlier. He frowned and shifted his stance to the side a bit.

"K-Kanda?"

Kanda stepped through the mess and swung the useless door mostly closed before sauntering toward Allen; who instinctively backed away from the predator before him.

"W-what do you want?"

"You." Kanda paused before chuckling darkly and moving closer. "All of you."

Allen felt his world come crashing down around him. He couldn't figure out why Kanda was acting so differently. Kanda sauntered toward Allen like a feline stalking his prey. Allen backed away from Kanda into the corner of his bed. He fell backward onto the mattress and looked up at Kanda with tears gathering in his eyes. Kanda chuckled in amusement.

"Oh, you made my job so easy." Kanda drawled in a huskier tone.

Allen activated his innocence and held it in front of himself. It shook with tremors of fear. Allen's wide eyes, blurred from all the tears, watched as Kanda moved closer.

"Please don't do this…" Allen whined and held his arm up. Before even thinking it, his crowned clown cloak had been activated.

Kanda tsked and pulled Mugen from the sheath; slashing the blade down upon Allen's innocence. Allen cried out in surprise and pulled his arm back closer to him. His shoulder burst into a flare of hot pain. He attempted to scream for help when Kanda's mouth muffled the sound. Allen's eyes shut tightly as he fought with all his might to push Kanda back. He managed to push the older man away enough to draw his foot up between them. He planted his foot firmly on Kanda's chest and pushed with everything he had. There was no way in hell he would go down without a fight.

Kanda stumbled away, shocked by the sudden fight in Allen. He barely registered that the white-haired teen had managed to dash past him into the bathroom. The smaller man tried to lock the door before Kanda got to it. Allen remembered all too suddenly what Kanda had done earlier to his bedroom door. As the fear of another mess like that overwhelmed him, he froze up. Kanda, not needing to kick the door, opened it quickly. The stunned Allen took a hit from the door to the face. He fell backwards onto the floor, grabbing his nose. His already tear-filled eyes overflowed at that point with the pain. Something broke. He just knew it. Nothing hit that hard, hurt that much, or made that unique sound if it hadn't broken. Allen looked up, a new fear gripping him. What he saw shook his very core.

Kanda, standing in the doorway, looked to be in as much shock as Allen. Tears had flooded his own eyes as he had looked down at Allen. He knelt and crawled over to Allen and gently slid his hand onto Allen's own.

"I'm sorry, Allen…" Kanda didn't sound right, "I really didn't mean to hurt you. Although, you did bring it on yourself."

The tone Kanda was using was not one Allen remembered ever hearing from Kanda. No, he'd heard that tone from someone else before. Someone much more worthy to fear, but not by much. Allen pushed himself backwards, away from Kanda's body.

"Who…who _are_ you?" He mumbled past his one hand as he pointed at Kanda.

"Exactly who you think I am!" Kanda replied in a much too cheery tone for himself. His grin was beyond a wicked one; it border lined on insane.

Allen felt everything come to a screeching hault. That grin, that wickedly insane grin was well none among the Noah clan. Especially a certain Noah obsessed with Allen.

"H-how?" Allen felt his fear peaking to a new height.

Kanda's body shrugged while the grin stayed in place. "Can't tell ALL my secrets, now can I? Alllllen?"

Allen felt cold shivers run all up and down his spine as he placed that exact drawling of his name. "Rhode…"

The abnormal giggle sounded even odder coming from Kanda's vocal chords. "Yes? Did you enjoy the fun evening? Hmmmm?"

Anger began to boil in the pit of Allen's stomach and began to race against his fear. She used the one person Allen knew he couldn't defeat to get to him. The one person he had problems with. Allen grit his teeth and shoved himself further away from her and glanced to the side, looking for a way to distract her. He found a random bar of soap he hadn't picked up from his last shower and chucked it at Kanda's face, praying Kanda would forgive him eventually. Kanda's hand flew up in a futile attempt to block it, missing the foot that followed it. Kanda's eyes widened as the heel of Allen's foot nailed him directly in the forehead and knocked him flat out backwards onto his back. Allen used the opportunity to activate his innocence and whip the sword out of his arm and swung.

Kanda, seeing it in time, moved to the side and drew Mugen, countering it. A glare met Allen from the angry Japanese male.

"Oi! Moyashi! What the hell are you doing in my bathroom! And attacking me no less?!"

Allen paused and stared at Kanda. Was it really Kanda?

Kanda snarled at Allen, "Tch! Answer me damnit! Before I slice you to shred and dangle you in front of that damned master of yours!"

Allen cried out and flung himself at Kanda, hugging the other male tightly and sobbing into Kanda's shoulder. Kanda was in a complete loss of what to do along with being utterly confused. The worst part was, he had a killer headache and didn't know why he suddenly woke up in his bathroom on the floor. Blinking, Kanda had a revelation. He woke up on the bathroom floor. This meant he'd blacked out again. But why was the moyashi there? It didn't make sense. It made even less sense that he was currently washing Kanda's shoulder with his tears. With a frustrated sigh, Kanda shoved Allen away.

"Enough. What the hell is going on? Where are we?"

"M-my bathroom!" Allen wiped at his tears with his one hand. "Y-you came back…again…"

"What do you mean?" Kanda stared at Allen blankly.

"You were here last night! Don't you rememb---" Allen stopped and stared at Kanda. Of course he wouldn't remember if Rhode had somehow figured a way to take over Kanda's mind and body. "What…what do you remember last?"

Kanda reached up and rubbed his forehead. "Shower then a blank."

Allen stared down at the floor. "So she can somehow take control of you?"

"What the hell are you talking about, moyashi?"

"It's Allen." Allen snipped back before frowning. "Rhode…she-she somehow managed to take control of your body…I think."

"…"

"What?"

"You think?"

"Yes…why?"

"You don't have any solid evidence?"

"She talked to me! Through you!"

"Baka moyashi!"

"OW! DON'T HIT ME! YOU ALREADY BROKE MY NOSE, ASSHOLE!"

"…tch."

"Don't tch me!"

Kanda glared back at Allen. "I'll 'tch' you whenever I bloody feel like it."

"Like hell you will, baKanda!"

"Want to bet, baka moyashi?"

Allen launched himself at Kanda and knocked both of them backwards. He landed on Kanda's hips, straddling him. "I've told you too many times before. And I'll tell you again, IT'S ALLEN!"

Kanda froze under Allen and stared up at the younger male. He stared at the reddened nose and reached up to touch it gingerly. Allen stared back and began to panic thinking she was back.

"She made me do that?"

"Y-yeah…with the door…"

Kanda knocked Allen off of him before rolling to the side, placing his back to Allen. "I'm sorry for that…" He got to his feet and walked to the door. "Get to the nurse and get it looked at. You're no good anyways, but you'll be even more of a pain in the ass with it broken like that."

Allen was too shocked by Kanda's kindness to be annoyed or even offended by his last statement. He watched Kanda's back as he walked out of the room and out into the hallway.

* * *

_**EH: **I hope you enjoyed that! And, believe me...I'm working on this idea still. Tell me what you think! Again, THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!! They actually, truly, honestly, REALLY DO help me. I appreciate all the reviewers and even readers that don't review. I appreciate all of you if you're reading this fanfiction. Thank you for helping me keep motivated! All right...time to start on the next chappie! OSSU!_


	5. That Feeds Your Obsession

_**EH: **Yo! I'm back! With another chappie! Annnnnnd~ I totally have the next chapter after this almost done. So be expecting a quick update for the next chapter too. _

_On to the chapter stuffs. This one doesn't have the smex. Buuuuut...most of next chapter will make up for the smexiless chapters. I just need to stop blushing enough to finish the chapter. Haha. Anyways! Thank you all so very much for your reviews. Without them, I wouldn't have almost six chapters posted. In fact, I'd probably would have given up already. Besides, it always helps the the theme song I have for this fanfiction it's one of my favorite songs. It just reminds me to write. Which I can say is a GOOD thing. _

_On to the chapter! I have no more to say for now! Except, enjoy!_

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**That Feeds Your Obsession  
**Chapter Four

Kanda kicked the door to Komui's office open. He walked in and flopped on the couch nearest to the older man's desk. Komui stared at Kanda in confusion. His poised coffee mug tilted back down as Komui gently set it on the desk's surface. The Supervisor of the Science Department shifted a long leg over the other and leaned his chin on his tented hands while resting his elbows on the desk.

"What could possibly warrant a visit from you, Kanda-kun?"

"I have a problem."

Komui's eyes bugged before he sat back and glared, reaching for some unknown object behind his desk. "It had better not have something to do with Lenalee!"

Kanda turned a very cold glare onto the older male. "Absolutely not."

"Good." Komui smiled and returned to his non-threatening position. "Well then, how can I help you?"

"I need a mission."

"A mission?" Komui asked in shock.

"Yes."

"I really don't have anything of your level at the mome---"

"Anything will do."

"…" Komui's eyes narrowed slightly. "This certainly isn't a normal request from you…"

"I really don't care what you think. Give me a damn mission."

"Not unless you tell me why."

Kanda glared as cold and ruthlessly at Komui as he could. When he found the older man was as stubborn as Lenalee, he grew frustrated.

"It's not for anyone else's ears." Kanda stated pointedly as he didn't even attempt to look at the eavesdropping workers around.

Komui, admitting defeat there, dismissed the others before leaning back in his chair. "Well?"

Kanda stared at the floor with a look that made Komui believe that even the carpet would shudder and crawl away. "I've been…sleep walking."

"Sleep walking?" Komui laughed, "That's it?"

"Not by MY will." Kanda hissed at Komui's laughter. "I have absolutely no control over my body!"

"That is normal when sleep walking, Kanda-kun!" Komui waved his hand, "Nothing to fret over!"

"It's NOT me doing it!" Kanda stood and began to pace.

Komui stared before frowning, "You've lost me…"

"What are Rhode's powers…exactly?"

Komui looked to the ceiling and shook his head. "She's the Noah of dreams…from what we've been able to gather."

"Is it possible for her to take control of people…through the dream world?"

Komui stood and walked around his desk. "Kanda-kun. What are you trying to say? That Rhode's been taking control over you when you sleep?"

"Whenever I lose consciousness. Not just sleeping."

"Wait, whenever you lose consciousness?" Komui held up a hand while leaning back on the edge of his desk. "How are you losing consciousness?"

"I just do. I don't even know why."

"This isn't good."

Kanda rolled his eyes and gave Komui a scathing look. "You think?"

"If she's gaining control of you like that, there must be a link. Something that ties you to her…"

"Moyashi?" Kanda asked under his breath, looking off to the side.

Komui stared back at Kanda and raised an eyebrow. "Allen-kun?"

Kanda sighed and ran a hand through his bangs. "What should I do?"

"Are we talking about Rhode still, or Allen-kun?"

"Rhode. Baka." Kanda snapped and ignored the heat flushing over his face.

Komui pointed at Kanda. Kanda stared at him and felt suddenly very odd and out of place. He looked around and then back at Komui.

"There."

Kanda looked around again uncomfortably and very confused by the other man's statement. "There, what?"

"That's the connection."

"Huh?" Kanda was too confused to make sense of this idiot's nonsense.

"You have feelings for Allen-kun."

Kanda felt like he'd been shot. He stumbled back a step and stared at Komui like he'd gone mad with insanity. "Wh-what? What the hell are you saying?!"

"Rhode is obsessed with Allen-kun. And it's clearly written on your face, Kanda-kun…" Komui stated staring seriously at Kanda. Komui was being too serious and it was seriously scaring Kanda.

"How does that even tie her to me!" Kanda shook his head, trying to clear the images of a broken Allen sitting on the floor. Why did they make him feel angry and sad at the same time?

Komui sighed and reached into dangerous territory. He hit Kanda on the forehead with his fist as if knocking on a door. "Hello in there? Rhode is obsessed with Allen-kun. She'd do anything to hurt him…or have him. If you are having tortured feelings over him, then that would explain why it's YOU she's going through."

"B-but…it's wrong!"

"For her to use you? She doesn't have a conscience."

"No!"

"Oh. The forbidden love?" Komui put his hands together and bat his eyelashes, disturbingly like a woman.

"L-love?! What the hell!? I didn't say that!"

Komui chuckled at Kanda's fumbling words. "Well? What is it then?"

"Disgusting." Kanda sneered and then looked at Komui, "Why are you being so happy about this predicament!"

"Hmmm…let's see," Komui put his forefinger to his chin, "That would cut down two people I'd have to worry over tainting my precious Lenalee!"

Kanda backed away from the eerie grin that spread over Komui's face. "Then all I'd have to worry over would be Lavi."

Kanda shook his head. "Komui! Enough about your disgusting brotherly habits. How do we stop this from happening?"

"I'm not sure, Kanda. I'd say we could have Allen-kun exorcise her out of you with the sword…but we're not even sure if that's going to work. This battle field is her world to play with. We know little to nothing about it…"

"So I'm just screwed?"

"I didn't say that. We'll take the first steps forward. Who should I assign to watch you?" Komui paused in thought.

Kanda prayed silently to anyone listening that he wouldn't choose Allen.

"Perhaps Allen-kun?" Komui wagged his eyebrows at Kanda only to receive a nasty sneer and scary snarl. "All right, all right! How about…Lavi? Or Lenalee?"

"Lenalee."

"That was too fast an answer." Komui glared.

"Of all the exorcists, she's the only one I really wouldn't dare hurt. Plus she's the fastest to fly for help."

"I suppose…" Komui stilled glared accusatorily at Kanda.

Kanda huffed a sigh, "You're the one who said I was no longer someone to worry over."

"Perhaps…"

"Make up your mind of the pros and cons before you list off the subjects for choosing from."

"All right, all right. Lenalee it is."

"Thank you." Kanda turned and walked to the door.

"Oh, and Kanda…"

Kanda froze, knowing he would regret listening.

Komui wiggled his fingers at Kanda, "I hope you can keep your hands to yourself! I wouldn't want Lenalee to be exposed to a new form of love-sight before she's ready!"

Kanda felt the aftershocks of the vibration caused by how hard he slammed the door. He wasn't sure whether he'd heard the door actually splinter or not from the force. He dragged his feet a bit while heading to talk with Lenalee. As he rounded the corner, he came face-to-face with both Allen and Lenalee; both stopped their conversation to stare at him. By their silence, he could tell they were talking about him specifically. What was worse, was the nasty glare coming from Lenalee.

"You! I'm going to thrott---" Lenalee started and took a step forward only to be stopped by a panicked Allen.

"Lenalee! It's all right! Really! I-I mean…there's nothing to be angry about!"

Lenalee glared pointedly in Kanda's direction. "What do you mean there's nothing! Of COURSE there is!!"

Kanda sighed and put his hands up. "Let it go, moyashi. She's right. I've done horrible things lately. She _should_ beat the hell out of me."

Lenalee turned on Allen. "Things?! As in more than one! Allen-kun! Why are you letting him do this?!"

Kanda felt confused all over again and was really becoming infuriated by the feeling.

"N-no…I mean. Yes. B-but he's not! I mean! Agh!"

"He broke down your door! And then just left YOU with the mess?! That's bad enough! What else could there be?!" Lenalee threw her arms up over her head and yelled in frustration.

"That's…why you're mad?" Kanda blinked several times and regretted it when Lenalee's scathing look landed back on him.

"What else do I have to be mad about then, Kanda?"

Allen quickly jumped in between the two. "Hey! That's enough you two! Let's not fight over this! It's nothing! Really!"

Kanda snorted and shrugged looking at the wall. Allen turned around. He walked up to Kanda and grabbed his arm, dragging the older male away.

"O-oi!"

"We have door pieces to pick up! Talk with you later, Lenalee-chan!"

Allen dragged Kanda back to his own room before he sighed and turned around. He looked at Kanda apologetically. "Sorry for putting you in that situation."

"Why didn't you tell her about what I did?"

"Because I…" Allen started before shifting his weight and looking down. "I didn't want you to get into trouble. It wasn't you who did it on purpose or anything."

"How can you be sure?"

Allen looked up suddenly at the dark eyes of Kanda. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "I-I trust you wouldn't…not being your normal self."

Kanda leaned toward Allen while propping his right arm up on the wall behind the smaller man. "You shouldn't trust me."

"B-but…" Allen's cheeks lit up like two bright cherries ripe for picking.

Kanda couldn't help the smirk at the younger man's discomfort. He was at the point where he wasn't entirely sure if he was himself or not. He slid his left arm around Allen's smaller waist and leaned in even further.

Kanda didn't even recognize his own voice as it took on a huskier tone. "Tell me, moyashi…"

His cool dark eyes watched Allen swallow the obvious lump in his throat as the white haired teen couldn't tear his wide-eyed gaze away from Kanda's.

"How do you know who I really am…?"

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_**EH:** Yays! Another chapter posted. Please forgive any overly-angsty stuff. I've needed an outlet to vent. I've had to deal with a lot of emotional drama with a "friend" lately. So, please forgive any emo areas. This is my outlet for emotional-verbal vomit. Hope it was good! Please review and keep my morals high! Again, criticism is helpful! Thanks!_


	6. You Send Me to a Broken State

_**EH:** Uhhhh. Yeah. (scratches head) Smuttiness. Yup. About all I can really say about this one. This has been a lot of sweating (freaking hot outside), a lot of blushing (uhhh...yeah), and even some pain (from sitting still so long) to get this one done. Just so you know, most of this...was written at a church. Guess where I get MY ideas from, huh? Hahaha. Anyways! Hope you'll enjoy this one. If I missed anything in the process of reading it over, please forgive. Like I said...it's HOT outside. My brain is fried from the heat of the weather and from the heat of the nakey Kanda image in my head._

_Oh, and a GREAT BIG THANK YOU to ALL my reviewers and readers!!!! Without you, this production WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING. Thank you sooo much! If I could dole out cookies for every reader virtually...I so would. Thanks again!_

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**You Send Me to a Broken State**  
Chapter Five

"_Tell me, moyashi…how do you know who I really am…?"_

Allen wasn't sure he was hearing correctly or not. He knew he had little color on his face besides the red of his cheeks. There was something about this situation that caused him to feel both unsure and excited. Not like the past time.

"I," Allen started before pausing and calming his breathing down, "I don't."

Kanda pulled Allen's waist forward and pressed the smaller male to his own body. He didn't know what had come over him. But he knew it was him and no one else. His voice came out in a low growl, "Then how can you trust me?"

Allen opened his mouth to reply then thought better. He instead pushed himself onto his toes and pressed his lips against Kanda's and let his mouth fall open. Kanda, without thinking, took control of the situation and slid his tongue between Allen's lips.

Kanda pulled back and couldn't hide the fire in his eyes. He picked Allen up before thinking better. He dropped him on his feet and dragged Allen behind him to his own room where the door wasn't broken. Once inside, Kanda didn't have a chance to say anything. Allen tackled Kanda onto the bed and proceeded to kiss the older man fervently. Kanda shoved his hands under Allen's shirt. He returned the kisses with just as much passion and heat. Allen moaned into Kanda's mouth before pulling back to tear his shirt over his head only to get caught by his red ribbon tie. He was completely stuck and wiggling around mumbling into the fabric. Kanda snickered and reached up to help him.

"Well done, moyashi."

"How many times do I have to tell you, BaKanda…it's Allen."

Both men smirked before practically jumping each other again. Kanda rolled them over to be on top and managed to work his top off between kissing. He was too warm for his clothing and could feel how tight his pants had gotten in the past few seconds. Kanda felt a rough hardness against his thigh. He glanced down at the slight bulge in Allen's pants.

His hand trailed lower on Allen's stomach before reaching his belt. His quick fingers made easy work of the belt. He threw it over his shoulder somewhere. Allen, while Kanda worked on his own belt, had begun to undo Kanda's pants. Kanda gripped the hem of Allen's while Allen did the mirror image to him. Both pulled the pants down and managed to work them completely off and threw them somewhere on the floor. Allen suddenly flipped them over and grinned seductively at Kanda. His small mouth began to trail wet kisses down to Kanda's nipples. As his warm tongue circled both nubs, Kanda hissed and bucked his hips up in surprise at how good it actually felt. The wet trail felt so cold compared to the heat of Allen's mouth on his flesh. Somehow, it felt too right to Kanda.

Allen nipped Kanda's hip, making the older man yip quietly. He glared down at the white haired teen only to be met by the most intimate façade he'd ever seen. He couldn't look away to hide the flush of his cheeks. He could only watch mesmerized as Allen traveled lower to his member. Kanda's eyes shut as he groaned when the smaller man's mouth started with a long, torturous lick down his manhood before feeling Allen's mouth slide all the way around him. Kanda lost all rational thought as his head lolled back as he moaned loudly. Allen set a slow, easy rhythm that frustrated Kanda. So Kanda rested his hand on Allen's head and guided him into a faster pace. Allen winced but soon sped up a bit more on his own and began to alternate between sucking hard or swirling his tongue around the tip. Kanda panted as Allen tortured him.

Allen sealed the deal by reaching up and massaging Kanda's balls while bobbing his head up and down on Kanda's length. Kanda hitched and groaned as he felt his entire body still. Allen was caught off guard by the sudden invasion of Kanda's seed inside his mouth. He backed away coughing and spit out most of the seed. Kanda watched as a drop slid down the side of Allen's mouth. Suddenly very embarrassed, Kanda rolled off the bed and onto the floor.

"I-is there something wrong?" Allen asked, reaching for Kanda.

Kanda bat his hand back. "Don't touch me!"

Allen's eyes blurred with tears as he stared at Kanda confused. "K-Kanda…"

"How dare you…?"

Allen was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to do. What could he do?

"I-I'm sorry…"

"Why are you apologizing!" Kanda turned glaring at Allen. He was so angry that tears had actually gathered in his own eyes.

"B-Because, I…I didn't ask. I just…"

"Stop it!"

"Why?! You make no sense! Are you mad at me or not!!!" Allen screamed at Kanda and shut his eyes, crying. He had grown overly frustrated by this whole thing too.

Kanda stared at Allen and grit his teeth. He'd hurt the younger man again. He shouldn't care. He shouldn't be hurting watching Allen cry. He just shouldn't. But he was. He sighed and hit his forehead on the bed post. "I'm not mad at you…"

Allen looked up from his knees that he had curled up on, crying. "T-than what?"

"I don't understand you." Kanda shook his head. "I never cared to either."

Allen hiccupped and turned to look away. "Then don't care and I'll leave. I'll leave you alone!"

"I can't!" Kanda looked up glaring through the tears he didn't want to show. "I can't just leave you alone! And I hate it! I've never needed ANYONE, damnit! NO ONE! And then YOU showed up! And here I am! A mess of emotions that I've never had to feel! I hate it! I hate it so much!"

Allen stared at Kanda. He was at a loss for words. He'd never seen so much emotion besides anger from this man before. He reached out again and touched Kanda's shoulder. "Stop trying to understand me. And just, let me know what it is you feel."

"Why can't you just hate me already, moyashi?"

"What? Why would I hate you?"

"I raped you. Isn't that enough reason!"

"It wasn't you."

"It was my body!"

"You had no control over it…"

"HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE ME!!! ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?!"

Allen leaned down and kissed Kanda's temple gently. "Because…I have more to lose by blaming you."

"What?" Kanda looked up.

"How can I hate you if I've never been able to love you?"

"How _can_ you love a person like me?"

Allen smiled that innocent and soft smile sincerely. "How can I know if I never try?"

Kanda pushed up onto his knees and kissed Allen. Allen returned the kiss willingly, wrapping his arms around Kanda's neck. Kanda drew his right arm up and around Allen, pulling him further into the kiss. Allen groaned and broke the kiss.

"Come up here…" Allen smiled shyly and backed up a little bit.

Kanda complied and crawled up onto the bed. He ran his hand up Allen's thigh. Smirking, he leaned down and took possession of Allen's lips. Allen shuddered, wrapping his arms around Kanda. He ran his fingers through Kanda's hair. Hooking his finger into the hair-tie, Allen tugged down. Kanda broke the kiss to hiss in pain.

"That hurts!"

"S-sorry! I didn't mean to!" Allen grimaced, thinking he'd killed the mood.

Kanda glared down at Allen, "Don't tell me you're into that."

Allen flushed deep red before stammering out a half foreign sounding sentence. Kanda rolled his eyes.

"Try that again."

"I-I'm n-not into th-that."

Kanda raised an eyebrow at Allen. "Do you even have a preference?"

"I…" Allen frowned and hit Kanda. "Would you stop killing the mood!"

"Oi!" Kanda rubbed his chest, "If I recall it was YOU who tried to tear my hair out!"

"Well…well if you would just wear your hair down, I-I wouldn't have had to! So there!" Allen stuck out his tongue at Kanda.

"How is that an argument?"

"Shut up!"

"It's MY room. I don't have to do anything."

"Oh yeah? Well, I…I can just leave!" Allen crossed his over his chest in a childish manner.

Kanda chuckled and motioned for the door. "Go right ahead. I dare you to walk out of my room naked."

"Fine---wait, what?" Allen's eyes grew huge. "N-n-n-naked?!"

"Y-y-y-yes." Kanda mimicked Allen with a devilish grin. Allen stilled and paled at the sight of it. Kanda immediately regretted it and let his grin fall.

Allen turned his gaze away and stared at the floor in silence. Kanda frowned and leaned back on his knees. He knew what Allen was remembering just by looking at his face. Kanda's heart throbbed painfully in his chest as he stared at his knees. Anger rose up inside of him. He balled his fists on his knees and grit his teeth, unknowingly grinding them together loudly. Allen looked back, wiping away tears. He stared at Kanda before sitting up.

"…" Allen tried to think of something to say but couldn't. So instead, he reached over to Kanda. Kanda looked at Allen's small hand and then to his eyes.

"I scared you, didn't I?"

"With your face? No more than usual." Allen grinned back.

Kanda scoffed, crossing his arms. "Baka moyashi."

"I've said it before…" Allen moved closer, "It's…Allen."

Kanda greeted Allen halfway with a gentle kiss before pushing the smaller man backwards onto the bed. He again crawled over Allen to cover him with his body. Kanda began to kiss Allen with more heat, while allowing his hands to roam freely over the smooth skin below him. He didn't pause when Allen gasped, but continued to kiss down Allen's neck and collarbone. Allen moaned and arched his back up. Kanda's hand found Allen's manhood and began to stroke it slowly and gently causing the teen to yelp in surprise before moaning.

"Mmmmm, Kanda…"

"I want to hear you say my name…" Kanda whispered huskily into Allen's ears making him shudder uncontrollably.

"K-kanda…"

"No. My real name."

"Y-yuu…?" Allen gasped when he was granted a gently squeeze on his member. "Yuu!"

Kanda chuckled and moved his hand in a faster pace while squeezing intermittently. "Hn. Not quite loud enough."

Allen paled a bit before crying out again a little louder. Kanda shook his head in disappointment.

"B-But if I yell t-too loudly…s-someone'll h-hear us…"

"So what?" Kanda replied by speeding up his hand until Allen stilled below him and cried out loudly as his seed spilled over onto Kanda's hand.

Allen panted before rolling over and making himself comfy. Kanda stared at Allen in confusion, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. Allen looked back at Kanda and smiled, nodding. Kanda raised an eyebrow before it hit him. Kanda felt like hitting himself, but refrained from the action. He used the white liquid on his hand to lubricate himself before positioning his member at the small entrance.

"Are you sure?"

"Y-yes." Allen replied from the pillow. Kanda nodded and pulled Allen's hips up. He pushed in as slowly as he could manage while keeping a tight rein on his control. Allen whimpered in pain. Kanda slowed to a stop, waiting to be told whether to stop or go.

"Just say no, if you don't want this…"

"I-I do. J-just…do it." Allen bit down on his bottom lip. Kanda nodded and pushed further in, trying to ignore the small whimpers. He groaned as Allen moved a bit, causing sweet friction along him.

To his surprise, Allen let out a little moan as well. Kanda moved a little, hearing Allen hiss. He stilled before Allen finally just looked over his shoulder glaring at Kanda.

"If you're going to tease me, than I'm going to beat the hell out of you!"

Kanda stared and laughed. He didn't even attempt to comment back. He pushed in the whole way before pulling back out half way. He groaned deep in his throat, throwing his head back while thrusting forward and back. Allen whimpered a few more times before moans and grunts took over. Kanda picked up the pace when Allen began to meet him thrust for thrust. Kanda's right hand guided Allen's hips while his other ran over Allen's sweat filmed skin and under to Allen's neglected manhood. He gripped Allen and pumped his hand to the same rhythm as his thrusts. Allen's screams filled the small room and echoes off the walls as Kanda's deep throated groans added a bass to the song of their love-making.

Allen grew bored with the sight of the pillows and turned, suddenly, around onto his back. Kanda didn't skip a beat. Impressed, Kanda sped the pace up and moved his hand back to Allen's little man. Allen moaned like a whore, louder and louder; over and over again. Kanda's hand continued to keep pace with his thrusts until he saw white speckles cross his vision. Without any form of warning, Allen screamed silently as he came again in Kanda's hand. Kanda pounded into Allen several more times before throwing his head back and climaxing as well. His orgasm shook his form violently while his lungs threatened to burst under the intensity of his panting. Allen shook and shivered until he finally grew still enough to stare up at Kanda.

Allen didn't know how he could have missed it, but at some point Kanda had removed his hair-tie. His long black tresses flowed over his shoulders like a cloak as his skin glistened with the glow of sweat. Allen felt his heart swell as he stared at the man above him. He smiled to himself, contented with where he was and what he'd just done.

Kanda, looked down at Allen and felt his heart skip a beat. The smile Allen wore on his face was the most beautiful smile Kanda had ever seen from the teen. Allen's sweat-matted, white bangs only added an air of sexual appeal to Kanda as he stared at Allen. He felt warmed by the younger man below him; a kind of warmth he'd only felt once. He couldn't place it, but he knew he'd felt it before on one occasion when he was a very small boy. Shrugging it off, he pulled back and shook his hair out of his face.

Three thunderous knocks sounded on the door. Both men grew eerily still; comparable to statues with wide eyes. The voice that followed caused them both to pale considerably.

"KANDA YUU! I'M COMING IN RIGHT NOW!! AND IF ALLEN IS HURT, I SWEAR TO ANY GOD, DEMON, OR ANGEL THAT YOUR HEAD WILL BE MINE!!!" Lenalee sounded like the Banshee on PMS through a wooden door.

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_**EH:** Ehehehehehe... Nothing like Lenalee killing the romantic moment between them. Well, besides all the smex. I thought it was adorable to write it from both of their perspectives after the act when finally taking in what the other looks like. I mean, come on! I'd be jumping them BOTH if they were like that on MY bed... (cough cough) Wow. Anyways...please go review before I further my self-embarrassment..._


	7. Where I can Stand the Pain

_**EH:** Okay, so...totally have to share this. There was a guy on Jeapardy whose name was Baltazar. No freaking joke. I have to say, it was a challenge to finish writing this chapter and trying to re-read it and going over spelling...while hearing this guy's name. I'm amused. Anyways! Back to my chapter! Sorry for the sidenote. This chapter is probably the biggest crap I've written for this fiction in my opinion. But, unfortunately, I feel like it was an essential piece with Lenalee, Allen, and Lavi. You're probably about to read this chapter and hate Kanda...and I'm expecting him to totally come out of nowhere and killage me. _

_So, on to the chapter!_

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**Where I Can Stand the Pain Just Long Enough**  
Chapter Six

Allen's eyes could be compared to tea saucers when they looked to Kanda. He panicked and started to throw his clothing on quickly. The moment Lenalee began to count down loudly, Allen's panic kicked into full-blown fear. He watched as Kanda casually pulled his clothing on, calmly. Allen was so shocked, he hardly noticed his zipper was down and his belt undone. Kanda, on the other hand, was completely dressed. Allen managed to zip his pants and fix his buckle before the door flew open; a very obviously pissed Lenalee following behind the door.

Allen, turning to look at the door in shock, completely missed the flying hand before it knocked him flat out onto the floor. He turned and looked up at Kanda in surprise. He slowly reached up to touch the stinging mark on his cheeks as tears unbidden, rose to his eyes. Lenalee's eyes went from the slight shock to sudden blaring anger but they were nothing compared to the cool, hate-filled glare he was receiving from Kanda.

"I knew it!" Lenalee shrieked, pointing uselessly at Kanda. "I knew you were treating him terribly! How dare you?! What makes it okay for you to hurt people?!"

"I-it's okay, Lenal---"

"Because. I have every right to hate something disgusting." Kanda replied coolly while looking at Allen like he was the scum he was talking of.

Allen felt his heart clench. What happened in just a few moments? Did Rhode take control of him? No. Rhode would be all over him, not caring what Lenalee thought. Was he suddenly back to being Kanda? Was he not himself? What was going on? His mind raced like a horse around a speed track.

Lenalee lost all control over her thinly veiled anger. She was before Kanda in a flash, using every ounce of her strength to throw her hand into his face. She didn't even imagine just hitting him. She imaged her hand going completely through Kanda's head to the other side. The impact caused Kanda's head to whip to the side roughly. He stared, bored, in the direction his head had been knocked to before looking back at her raising his eyebrows.

As if the red mark on his face wasn't visible or prickling with pain, he leveled Lenalee with the most nonchalant façade he could. "That's all you have, little girl?"

Taunting. He was _taunting_ her. Lenalee's innocence activated. "Son of a bitch!!!"

Her deadly-boot-clad foot spun in a delicately dangerous arc toward Kanda's head. Allen screamed and tried to get to his feet fast enough to push Kanda out of the way. In that same moment, Kanda ducked down, spinning to kick her foot out from under her. He wasn't surprised when she lifted completely off the floor and floated on thin air.

"What? Are you afraid to attempt to kill me anymore?" He sneered up at the small female. She glared back in turn and dropped to her feet.

"No. I still want to kill you. But it's not even worth my time or effort." She turned to Allen and held out her hand to him. "Come on, Allen. We're going to get to a safer room."

"But I---"

"Just get the hell out of my way, moyashi!" Kanda snarled, face twisted in a nasty depiction of hatred.

"Y-Yuu. D-Did I---"

"_Don't you dare call me by _that_ name._"

Allen bit his bottom lip and nodded. The tears he failed to hold back leaked out and down his cheeks. He grabbed his gloves off the floor along with his red ribbon. He took Lenalee's still offered hand and allowed her to drag him out the door. Lenalee kept glaring back behind them as if daring Kanda to follow.

"I don't know what the hell's _wrong_ with him. How can he treat people that way!" She huffed and looked at Allen, stopping short causing Allen to lose his balance.

He fell back onto his butt and stared at his feet through blurred vision. Lenalee bent down, touching his cheek gently. "Allen-kun?"

"I…" Allen hiccupped, shaking his head. "I don't know…what I did."

Lenalee peered into his eyes with deep concern. "Allen-kun…this isn't about your cheek, is it?"

As if remembering now, he reached up and touched his cheek. Wincing at the sharp pain he dropped his hand back to his lap. "I gave it to him and he…he hates me now?"

"It? What is _it_?" She rested her hand on his shoulder, not sure why she felt so unsure about anywhere else.

Allen looked up and met her gaze. He didn't say anything. Instead, he leaned forward and clutched onto her sobbing into her shoulder. Lenalee was so caught off guard, she wasn't sure what to do. She sighed, wrapping her arms around Allen in a sisterly fashion; she rocked them both quietly in the middle of the hallway.

"Aha! Lenalee! I was just lookin'…for…you?" Lavi slowed his approach to stare at the two in the hallway. He raised an eyebrow quizzically at Lenalee asking silently what was wrong.

Lenalee met his gaze with a confused look and shook her head. Her attention was drawn back to Allen as he sniffled loudly and whimpered. His body began to shake all over. She couldn't tell whether it was because of fear, anger, or sadness.

"Geeze. What happened?" Lavi asked, squatting next to them. "It's not like him to be such a mess."

"Kanda happened." Lenalee replied coolly, not intended at Lavi.

Lavi again rose an eyebrow but shook his head. "…So, am I assume that Yuu did something harsh? Not that it's hard to picture."

"He dragged Allen to his room." Lenalee grumped and pulled Allen tighter into her embrace when he shuddered. She missed the expression that crossed Lavi's face completely before it was gone again.

"Then what?" Lavi asked, his tone different than normal. Lenalee's eyes sought out his as she looked at him confused.

"He hit Allen." She answered as if it was as obvious as could be.

"How long after he dragged him to his room?"

Allen stilled and felt his whole body go cold. He knew it from that tone. Lavi figured it out. He should have expected that, but somehow he wasn't counting on it.

Lenalee pursed her lips in thought, "I'm not sure. I didn't see him drag him off. Allen-kun…was he beating up on you before I got there?"

Lavi saw the way Allen froze and pieced the whole puzzle together. Kanda came to him about Allen when he was sleep walking. It now all made sense. What Kanda said he didn't remember doing to Shorty, was something Lavi hadn't wanted to ever imagine. Lavi's fists balled at his sides as he forgot about his distant outlook on the world as a bookman. He fell right into the role of angry friend.

"Where were you going?" Lavi asked, cutting into the silence to let Allen off the hook. Lenalee looked up at him.

"My brother's office. Allen needs a safer room assignment. He's too close to that…maniac."

"For now, he can stay in my room. I'm only doin' research now-a-days. Allen, you'll be stayin' in my room. Okay?"

Allen didn't say a word but only nodded silently, not wanting to fight.

That evening, Allen sat on the foreign bed in a different room. He came to realize that his room was probably the tiniest one. Lavi had a lot of room in his bedroom. His heart sank even further than it had earlier when he realized that Kanda's had been larger too. Tears rose to his eyes again. He bit down on his quivering lip, tasting metallic liquid slide down his tongue. Lavi looked up from his book on the floor. He frowned and opened his mouth as though to say something before shutting it; turning away, he pretended he saw nothing.

"Can I go take a shower? I feel…" _Dirty._ His mind finished for him when his tongue couldn't. Lavi nodded.

"Go for it. I'm gonna get some food for us. I'm starvin'!" Lavi rose and walked out, knowing Allen just needed some time to himself. He leaned against the door. Blowing out a deep breath, he looked up at the ceiling wondering how this had happened. How could he have missed it? Especially with Allen the way he was acting. "Damnit. Shorty's got a bad case of SS."

"A case of what?" Lenalee stood before him, curiosity clearly written on her face.

Lavi looked down and smiled at her. "You should at least give a warnin'. Though, not like we can do much tonight…"

Lenalee blushed and hit Lavi, glancing around. "Shhh! What if someone overhears you?"

"So big bro can't kill me, ya mean?" Lavi just grinned at the red-faced doll.

"Well I would prefer to keep you alive." She added, averting her gaze before gaining control over her face and emotions. "How's he doing?"

"I don't think you have the slightest clue as to what he's sufferin'." Lavi responded seriously, running a hand over his red, choppy hair. He knew the glare was there before he even looked at her. "I dun mean it in a bad way, Lena. What I mean is, you're focusing on the outside appearances."

"Oh yeah, smarty-pants. What am I missing?"

"The fact that Allen's in love."

Lenalee's arms dropped from where they were crossed in shock. She shook her head and frowned. "He can't be. With who?"

Lavi sighed dramatically before leaning closer to her, "Guess."

"Uhhhh…Miranda?"

"You really are hopeless, ain't ya?" Lavi smirked deviously.

"Hey!" She swatted him gently on the shoulder. "Who then?"

"Who's hurting him most?"

Lenalee stared for the longest moment before going pale, to a slight shade of green, then to a deep red. Lavi wasn't sure whether she was red from anger, disgust, or embarrassment.

"K-Kanda." She stated unsure. Lavi nodded in response. "B-but how?! He's been hurting him, Lavi! _Hurting_ him!"

"It's called Stockholm Syndrome. Normally used in cases where abduction is involved. Not your average case for a rapist." Lavi sighed and rubbed his elbow randomly.

Lenalee's face paled again, this time to a sickly shade of white. Lavi realized his slip as he scratched the back of his head. He'd forgotten she wasn't the same as a bookman.

Lavi grew worried by the prolonged silence and the look on Lenalee's face. "Lena…?"

She blew; and not in the sense of just yelling and screaming. No, Lenalee blew up in a very silent (not to mention very frightening) way. She seemed to change colors a good ten times before settling on the color red. With that, and a mumbled 'he is more than dead now', she walked away from Lavi. The red-head stood pale in her wake, watching her go with an aura of pure fear.

"Remind me not to piss her off like that…" Lavi stated rubbing the back of his neck, choosing to follow her and try to calm the storm before it hits; or at least before the swordsman's blood was used as the new paint for the walls.

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_**EH: **So, don't hate Kanda TOO much!! Or me for that matter... Yeah. I have no words for this except please review and let me see what you think. I'm planning on getting some smexy in the next chapter. I'll try to update that soon too! Thank you all for your reviews so far and I look forward to reading what you have to say!!_


	8. That I am Numb

_**EH: **I welcome all anger and frustration. I know it took me bloody forever to post this. Believe me, I would have posted sooner if my head could have whipped this chapter out like all the others. This...was a hard one. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around what was taking place! It drove me bats! I think I rewrote the two pages in word a good five times before giving up and going with what I had only slightly satisfied. So, I apologize for quite possible the WORST chapter I've posted to this yet. I at least got back on the bandwagon and understand NOW where this is going. My muse finally smacked with his two-by-four upside the head screaming, "GET IT NOW?!" So, go on ahead and read...flame...throw tomatoes...smack me with two-by-fours...yeah...go for it. I humbly accept it. I hope to have the next chapter up soon. And..._

_I'M VERY SORRY FOR MY LATE POSTING!! Okay, go on and read now..._

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**That I am Numb  
**Chapter Seven

Kanda was not there. He wasn't in his room or anywhere in sight. Lenalee's anger just became more fueled from this realization. She had officially broken _his_ door of the hinges and wrecked a few things in the process. As she wandered the entire building, she felt her ire building up to the point of a ticking time bomb inside her. She reached her brother's office and threw the door open.

"Where is Kanda?" She snapped.

Reever's pen dropped from his hand at the sudden burst. His gaze flickered over to Komui's desk where the man currently sat sipping away at his coffee. Of course, he was conveniently seated across from the very soon-to-be-dead-body that Lenalee was looking for.

Kanda grunted and rolled his eyes.

"KANDA!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!! HOW COULD YOU DARE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ALLEN!!" Lenalee crossed the room in a flash, gripping onto the older man's collar. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

"If you spent half the time talking at me, killing me…I'd be dead by now."

Komui watched as his baby sister managed to lift a man a good fourty to fifty pounds heavier than she was and throwing him over the couch. He moved too slow to even try to stop her. Lenalee punched and kicked Kanda repeatedly. She realized he wasn't even trying to fight back.

"Why won't you hit back?!"

Kanda didn't even attempt to respond. Lavi, on the other hand, grabbed her raised fist.

"Lenalee…you're no better than he is right now. You're not usin' your head, just your anger."

Lenalee stared at Kanda's face seeing the remorse he was trying to hide. Her eyes flooded with tears. This was like her second brother. How could he have done this to Allen? Even if he did hate Allen, that's not way to handle it.

She broke down to one word, "Why?"

Kanda turned his gaze away.

"Why!"

Komui cleared his throat, "What exactly is going on here? Why are you attacking Kanda? And what are you talking about with Allen-kun?"

Kanda slowly raised himself up onto his elbows. "Rhode's been taking over my body. At random times."

Komui nodded, remembering their first talk about this.

"During those times, she would make me do unspeakable things to the one she's obsessed with." Kanda shifted, uncomfortable with talking this much.

Lenalee stared at Kanda wide-eyed. "But why did you slap him then? Was that Rhode? Or you?"

"It was me."

"Why, though?!"

"He can't trust me! And he stupidly does!"

Lavi rubbed the back of his neck. "So Rhode's been takin' over your body and makin' you hurt Allen?"

"Yes. And that idiot just keeps running to me thinking he can trust me. I don't know when or even how she takes over. So it's unpredictable. But, here comes Moyashi! Trusting and innocent…stupidly telling me he trusts me and believes I wouldn't do anything to him."

Komui rubbed his temples. "What exactly are we saying here? What is it that you've done to hurt Allen-kun? I've seen no marks on him recently…so what kind of hurting?"

Kanda closed his eyes to avoid seeing anyone and pretended he hadn't heard the questions. He knew it wouldn't take long for Komui to figure it out. The ticking of the clock was so loud it echoed off the walls and back. Kanda's ears felt warm as he tried to hold back all of his emotions. Komui sighed heavily.

"Can we have some privacy to discuss some family matters?"

Kanda didn't look up as several pairs of feet traveled past the small group. As soon as the door closed, Komui shifted closer to Kanda.

"When you came to me about Rhode taking over your body and making you do things you don't remember, you were referring to Allen-kun weren't you?"

Kanda clenched his jaw until shocks of pain radiated up to his temples.

"Rhode was taking him over…" Lenalee sighed and leaned against Komui's desk.

"Yes."

"But I don't get it! Why Kanda?" Lenalee frowned and put her hands on her hips.

Kanda looked up. He slid to a sitting position. "My strong distaste for Allen? Emotional issues? Who knows?"

"She is insane after all." Lavi added with a shrug.

Komui pushed the ridge of his glasses up his nose a bit and pursed his lips in thought. "Excuse us, please."

Lenalee stared at her brother in confusion. Lavi, on the other hand, got the hint and headed for the door. He motioned with his head for Lenalee to follow. The teenaged female exorcist stood in place.

"Lenalee-chan, that means you too." Komui added gently but firmly. Lenalee huffed and left the office with Lavi.

Komui sighed heavily and looked at Kanda. Kanda rose to sit on his knees and finally looked up to meet his superior's eyes. "I don't beg, Komui. And I never will. But, I will admit that I need your help. Send me away."

"Away? To where? What would stop her from taking over you and leading you straight into their lair?"

"She wants Allen. For some reason or another, she wants him."

"If she can take over your body, then she can see how much you seem to mean to Allen-kun. No matter how twisted it may be. She may surely have you hurt to get to Allen-kun." Komui crossed his arms over his chest.

Kanda glared at the floor as if it had offended him in some manner. "Then what can I do?"

"Well, I can lock you up." Komui smirked at the very unhappy glare he received before continuing. "I can send you Revelier. I can send you to the Asian branch. I can---"

"Asian Branch." Kanda interrupted. He looked up with firm resolve. "And you have to promise me to keep Moyashi HERE."

"I will do my best…" Komui nodded. He tilted his head to the side. "I just have to know something beforehand…"

Kanda looked confused but nodded.

"Are you doing this for your own or for Allen's best interest?"

Kanda meant to think about it, he really did. But for some reason his mouth opened and blurted out, "For Moyashi's."

Komui smiled an odd, knowing smile that made Kanda cringe inwardly. "Then I will have the paperwork done up immediately. You'll be working under Bak-san for three months."

Kanda nodded again.

Komui raised his hand, "Oh, and Kanda. One more thing. I want you to be open to the trials that Bak-san may run you through. All right? He may be able to help you…more than I can."

Kanda sighed and stood. "All right. Tell them for me. I don't need any more bruises to be ashamed of."

Komui grinned, remembering all the blows his precious Lenalee had landed. Yup. Kanda would be one large walking bruise tomorrow.

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_**EH: **See what I mean? Terrible right? I promise more Allen/Kanda loves soon. As soon as I find the time to do so, I'll write up the next chapter and post it. I've got a busy work schedule...so I'm going to do the best I possibly can. Thank you all so very much for your patience and your honesty thus far. Without you readers and reviewers...this fic would not even be continued. Thank you very, very much._


	9. That I Just Disappear

_**EH:** Ehhhhhh...I will accept all forms of hocky pucks, poisoin infested cookies, tomatoes, spiked Dokuro-chan bats, Kanda Mugen slashes, and anything else you all can think of injuring me with... I'm lazy. No excuses. Juuuuust lazy with a case of writer's block. Sooo, I finally got around to this and finished this chapter. You'll probably notice toward the end it skips around a bit. At the first confusion part, it's the next morning. Second part is switching to the perspective of the other side. HOPEFULLY you all will get it even if you didn't read this... I love you guys so much for reading and reviewing up until now. _

_Just as an update, I will attempt to write sooner. It may take a bit since I just found myself a boyfriend. (Taking a moment to squeel for joy and rub blushing face in palms like a special ed school girl...be back momentarily...) I will definitely try to finish this story. It's one of the few stories I've taken to with such a love._

_Please enjoy!! _

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**That I Just Disappear  
Chapter 8**

Kanda packed up one singular suitcase with a few items. He mostly packed them in so that his hourglass with the shedding lotus would be safe inside. He carefully packed soft items under, beside, and atop the hourglass before shutting the lid securely and locking the suitcase. He sighed heavily. He was now feeling all the bruises from Lenalee's vicious beating forming on his body. He cast one glance around his room. Kanda's eyes scanned over and past a figure standing in his doorway only to snap back to the small figure glaring at him. He couldn't figure out how the hell someone had snuck up on him.

"Why the hell are you leaving?" Allen snapped with a snarl that didn't sound natural.

Kanda had to fight down the smirk at the sound and keep his straight face. He looked up with a 'tch'.

"Answer me damnit!"

"Does it really matter?"

"Of course it does!"

"Why?"

"Because! I---" Allen's resolve seemed to quiet and die down as he averted his gaze while keeping his firm stance. His arms stayed locked in a crossed position on his chest.

Kanda, feeling the bile rise at the emotional turmoil he felt, laughed bitterly at the small man. "What? Because you think you might love me? Is that it? You're a sick little bastard, aren't you?"

Allen flinched from the harsh words as if he'd just been slapped, full force, across the face. Kanda wanted to move to him and do something…anything to take the pained look away from Allen's face. But he couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to, this was for that damned Moyashi's sake.

"Don't you get it, baka moyashi? I was being FORCED to do you! I didn't WANT to! What makes you think I'd want some puny little BOY like you? Get out of my sight, you disgusting nymphomaniac!"

Kanda turned away, not wanting to see the anger, betrayal, or hurt in Allen's eyes. He closed his eyes and waited to hear footsteps storming away or his door slamming. Nothing but silence met his ears. He opened his eyes just in time to turn and see Allen as he tackled Kanda. The two engaged in a fueled wrestling match for a few minutes before Allen pinned Kanda down. His eyes were dripping with tears while he glared at Kanda.

"I know that's a lie! You're lying!"

"Get the hell offa-me!" Kanda switched them so that he had Allen pinned. He realized that was probably a mistake too late. He felt the heat swirl in his stomach as memories of Allen below him boiled into his mind.

"No!" Allen threw them over again, accidently smashing Kanda's head into the open dresser drawer. Kanda winced and glared up at Allen.

"That hurt!"

Allen sneered and snorted, "Well good! You deserve it for trying to break my heart twice in one day! Jerkface!"

Kanda stared at Allen. His face turned redder and redder with every passing second. Worry and concern etched itself into Allen's features as he stared at Kanda.

"K-Kanda? Are you okay?"

Kanda snorted and snickered, not able to hold it in anymore. "Jerkface?"

Allen was unamused. "What about it!"

"That's the best you could come up with?"

Allen pursed his lips and leaned down. "No…" He pressed his mouth against Kanda's and found himself instantly rewarded with open access.

Kanda didn't even attempt to push Allen away. He wrapped his arms up and around Allen's neck, pulling Allen as close as possible with clothing on. Allen moaned loudly into Kanda's mouth before working Kanda's shirt up and over his head. They broke briefly to get their shirts off before their lips crashed together again in a tragically passionate dance of tongues. Both sets of hands blindly groping each other's flesh while trying to gain the dominant position. Allen grunted as his back ended up pressed against the bed frame. He pushed Kanda back and straddled the older male's hips. Kanda leaned up onto his elbows and moved his lips down Allen's neck to his collarbone.

Allen whispered Kanda's name softly while busying his hands with Kanda's pants. After finally getting them undone, he shoved them as far down as he could without Kanda lifting his hips. Kanda chuckled and lifted his hips to allow Allen to shove his pants down farther along with his boxers. Allen, unable to contain it anymore, tore his own pants and briefs down to free himself. He moved to place himself only to think twice and look at Kanda unsure. Kanda sighed exasperatedly before grabbing the younger male and flipping him up and over him. Kanda moved himself up gracefully onto the wincing male and kneeled between Allen's knees. Allen looked at him and wriggled a bit in impatience. Kanda lowered his head and took a test lick, satisfied with the yelp of pleasure. He took all of Allen into his mouth and began to suck roughly while bobbing his head up and down.

Allen cried Kanda's name again and again before his release came all too quickly. He groaned and ground his pelvis upwards to meet Kanda's lips. Kanda lapped at Allen before moving up to position himself. Allen opened his legs in invitation. Kanda took some of Allen's spilled seed and rubbed it onto his own member before shoving himself inside Allen. He began a rough and quick rhythm. Both men ground their hips together in unison while clawing their way higher up the mountain of bliss. When they both reach the peek, they both threw themselves off the cliff of bliss mountain only to tumble down together. Kanda panted and leaned over Allen, trying his damndest not to fall on the smaller man. Allen sighed contently before pulling Kanda down atop him.

Bak paced at the gate before picking up the nearest phone and demanding to speak with Komui. "You said he'd be heading over early morning! Where is he? Did he forget that it's rude to keep people waiting?!"

"Oi!" Kanda grabbed Bak by the ear and glared fiercely at the other male. "You said rude? Rude is talking about people behind their backs."

"A-ah…never mind he's here…" Bak hung up on a very amused Komui to finally break away from Kanda's grip. He sighed and straightened his clothing before glaring back at the young exorcist. "I know this isn't a popular idea to you, Kanda. But from now on you follow my every word, understood? Don't think I'll hesitate to report you should you get out of line."

"I understand."

"Yeah, well, I really don't care if you don't like…wait, what?" Bak had been so ready for disagreement that he barely heard Kanda. "Uhhhh…all righty then…I guess we may as well get you situated before starting on our little project here. Follow me…"

Bak turned around and led the way away from the gate. Kanda cast one last glance behind him before turning his attention resolutely forward finally prepared.

Lenalee stared at the gate from their side before turning to Allen. She watched his small smile reach his eyes for once in a very long time. She couldn't help her own smile that grew on her lips. "I think he's going to be okay, don't you?"

"No." Allen replied softly before turning to smile even broader at her closing his eyes. "After all, it is BaKanda we're talking about here…He'll be miserable."

Lenalee giggled out right before grabbing Allen's arm. "Come on, Allen-kun! Let's get some pie! I heard Jerry's been busy all morning making blueberry pie!"

"B-Blueberry pie?" Allen stopped in his tracks only to laugh loudly before wiping the tears of amusement from his eyes. "Yeah…how about some blueberry pie…?"

* * *

_**EH:** Okay, so, I totally didn't even think about the tie back to the first chapter with the blueberries until AFTER I typed it. I had to laugh at that myself. I felt the lighthearted end to this chapter was kinda reflective of my googly-girly-eyed feelings. So, sorry if it got light and fluffy. Next chapter might be a little odd...considering how I want to go about this next section. So, please have patience and review! Tell me if you think I need my brains washed all squeeky clean again before attempting to write again! Thank you all veeeeeery, veeeeery much! I really appreciate you guys! Thanks a bushel of apples! (I swear, the oddness should pass soon...My inner self gives it a week or two. She's even taking bets against the demon on my shoulder...)_


	10. So Go On Infect Me

_**EH:** I promised updates! I did! And here they are! Woooooot! I feel accomplished! I had some drama with computer issues. But they are fixed and my eyes are going cross-eyed because of writing with my hand and then reading/tranferring into typing. OWWWWWW...I think my eyes are perminantly angry at me. Okay, anyways. Updated and I hope you like the chapter! I promise more Yullen soon! _

_Thank you for your reviews on last chapter! Again, all reviews and feed back are appreciated!!_

* * *

**So Go On Infect Me  
Chapter 9**

**~ Three Months Later ~**

Kanda trudged through the massive white, cold substance that blanketed the ground. His hands gripped the edge of his jacket and the hilt of Mugen. His dark eyes scanned through the white blur, waiting. He knew they were out here. He knew without a doubt. A movement stirred at his right side and in a flash Mugen was drawn.

"Tch! Come to finish what you couldn't in dream land?" Kanda's words seemed to hiss back at him.

A soft giggle rose just above the whipping cold wind. "Finish? Who said I had any intentions of being done?"

"Stop toying and fight!"

"Awww, didn't you _like_ being my toy?"

"I'm no one's toy!" Kanda snarled as Rhode's face focused before him in the blur.

"Really? Not even…Allen's?" Her face split into the characteristic Noah smile. "You really think I wasn't playing with him too? All those times, you thought you were free of me…"

Kanda's grip on Mugen tightened until his knuckles were as white as his surroundings. "Bitch!"

"Temper, temper!" Rhode giggled again, "It's all right Kanda…I haven't kept Allen lonely while you were gone…"

Rhode's words snapped Kanda's patience like an overstretched rubber band. He flew at her in rage. She managed to strike him through the white, windy mass as if it weren't there. Kanda grunted as her trademark explosive candles imbedded in his flesh. The sound of tsking drowned out all other noise.

"Ah, ah, ah, Kanda-kun." Her cold hand ran down his cheek, neck, and chest. "I really wish you would have let me stay in your head. How long will _this_ contract last, hmm? You're already short on time. Wasn't one contract for your life enough?"

Kanda grit his teeth against the pain. "Long enough to keep your hands off Moyashi!"

Rhode narrowed her eyes, "Wrong answer."

Kanda screamed as several candle bombs exploded at once. He felt the world sway before the earth rushed up at his face. The edges faded inward until all he could comprehend was cold darkness.

X----------------------------------------------------X

Lenalee sat with both Allen and Lavi watching the very amusing chess game. Allen was obviously getting frustrated. His queen piece, as he described his favorite, was trapped. Lavi sat back grinning like a mad fool.

"Lose your queen, or save her. Your move."

"Hah! The queen will kick your little rook's ass!" Allen settled his fingers over the queen piece precisely the moment someone burst in from the wind storm outside. The wind whipped in and swept only Allen's queen and a knight from the board. The black knight landed with a resonating crack. The white queen piece landed standing up and over the black knight. Allen's heart tightened painfully in his chest for some unknown reason.

"Well that was weird…" Lavi frowned, reaching to pick them up before Lenalee grabbed his arm.

"Lavi…" Her voice shook with emotion and an odd tone. "The queen's front section cracked…"

"Yeah…?" Lavi stared and realized what she was saying. Kanda's number one piece was always the black knight when he did bother to play chess. The white queen was Allen's. His eyes turned to look at Allen finding the boy locked in a state of shock while his eyes were glued on the two pieces.

"Kan…da…" Allen couldn't deny the fear that clutched at his heart. There was a far deeper meaning to the pieces than he could fathom at or even try to figure out. Something that struck a deep chord of doubt and fright for one person in particular.

Allen stooped to pick up the knight only for it to crumble into several pieces. His heart skipped a beat to begin pounding like a giant bass drum in his ears. He jumped at the light touch of Lenalee's hand on his shoulder and turned to look at her. He saw her lips move but heard no sound.

"…u okay?" Allen blinked several times before he could hear Lenalee again. Her voice flooded his ears like the volume being switched on after a long mute. "I said, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah. I-I think so." Allen touched his empty hand to his forehead. "I think...maybe I need some water…"

Lavi nodded and stood to go to the cafeteria to grab Allen a drink. He shared a worried glance with Lenalee then turned back to get to his task. Lenalee squeezed Allen's hand while watching the color slowly return to his force.

"Allen?"

At his name, he looked up. "Hm?"

"What…" Lenalee paused to gather her thoughts and words, "What did you see or feel?"

Allen frowned and shook his head. "I really don't know. I can't…I can't explain it. Like a weird dream I just can't remember besides how I felt about it."

"You called Kanda."

"I-I did?"

"Yes. As if you were calling the knight piece Kanda."

Allen looked down into his hand at the crumbled piece. He silently tightened his hand around it. He grit his teeth before looking back up. "Lenalee, I need to talk with Komui."

"Are you sure you don't just need water?"

"Yes."

Lenalee sighed and nodded. She stood carefully before motioning Allen to follow her. Allen followed quietly, clutching the broken knight tightly in his hand.

Lavi met them halfway to the offices of the science department. He looked as if he'd been running the entire way. Lenalee met him, grabbing his hand.

"Komui sent for you right as I passed by. He sounded urgent, Allen."

Allen didn't respond. He brushed past quickly. He turned the corner and burst into a run. When the doors were in sight he didn't slow but instead burst into the offices.

"Allen…" Komui brushed aside his surprise at how fast the exorcist appeared, "Bak-san has sent word."

Allen's heart dropped. He knew Komui wasn't going to send for him like this if all was well. He nodded, numb with muteness.

"Kanda has disappeared. He was sent with a highly trained team of scientists to a science department hidden in the Alps. The lab there claims Kanda and the team left over two weeks before. They found the team in a small town. All were dead, minus our missing Kanda."

Lenalee had quietly entered and was frozen in place. "They…didn't find Kanda?"

Komui shook his head 'no'. "All the bodies found seemed to have been stabbed and burnt from explosives of some sort."

Lenalee and Allen exchanged a look of recognition. Allen's hand clutched the knight tight enough to draw blood down his hand.

"Rhode." The name dropped from Allen's lips in a tone that nearly made it a curse.

"She must have him captive in her dream world." Lenalee glared and balled her fists. "Nii-san, we need to go after her."

"No." Komui sighed over tented hands. "We still don't know if he's even alive. I know it would not go over well with Leverrier. I t would be considered a waste of exorcists."

"A waste? But Nii-san!"

"I understand your frustration! But think about what the higher ups would say and do to keep you from trying if you go for approval!" Komui argued back.

"Lenalee…" Allen's eerily calm voice caused all eyes to turn to him. "It's okay. I can't say I expected anything more of Leverrier's politics."

Komui stared hopelessly at Allen's bang-shadowed eyes. He blew his own bangs from his face barely able to believe what he was about to say. "But, I'm sure it wouldn't be noted right away if a group slipped out silently in the middle of night and headed out on a rescue mission for a comrade. After all, with all my paperwork and such it'd be hard to notice. Plus no one here is bold enough to try."

Allen scoffed and nodded. "Of course not. Who would be stupid enough to try?"

Komui met Allen's eyes with an unspoken warning to be safe. Allen nodded in response and then turned, leaving. He motioned for Lenalee and Lavi to follow.

* * *

_**EH:** Thank you for reading and hope you all enjoyed! Please read and review! I happen to be in love with the chess symbol of what's going on. I also made a way to break apart the perspectives, etc. Now we know when there's a change in pace! Yay! Anyways, thank you all again! (I'm kinda out of it due to tv and pained eyes...)_


	11. Go On and Scare Me to Death

_**Author's Note:**_

_Holy cow! It's been a looooooooooooooong time since I updated! Sorry people for the serious writer's block! I'm back with a penchant to finish THIS STORY! Mwahahaha! I realized just how badly I wanted to finish one very long fanfiction and well...this is my closest yet. _

_Please note that this chapter is short. They may end up being around the same from now on, but I'll do my best to keep them long. As a side note: I'm engaged now! Can has a boy! (Not the one I mentioned last time.) But anywho! On with the show!_

_Without any further adieu..._

* * *

**Go On and Scare Me to Death  
Chapter 10**

Kanda sat with his arms chained high above his head. He attempted to open his eyes only to regret it all over again. The pain that leaked out from every point in his body made him wish he were dead already. Sadistic giggles filtered through the haze in his head, drawing him completely to the surface. He dared, past the lacerating pain, to open his eyes and lift his head. The damned candles he'd come to despise hung enthusiastically in the air; constantly poised and aimed at him. He didn't wait long before the bitch appeared in her grinning glory.

"Aww, don't look so angry, Kandy…" Rhode drawled as she walked over to him with bobbing steps. "It doesn't become that pathetic looking face of yours."

She leaned over and tilted her head to the side to look at him. Kanda didn't have the energy to even sneer at her. She laughed out right in a tone that would have chilled fire. From somewhere off to his left, one of her torturous candles embedded itself into his arm before exploding. A scream erupted from his lips; drawing out the horse dryness of his throat. Rhode jumped from one foot to the other clapping gleefully as several more made contact with him. Blood was trailing in rivulets down his sides, arms, legs, and even face. His hair was once more matted with dried blood only to be caked with a fresher stream of it.

When he stopped moving or crying out, Rhode pouted. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, "Well, you're not fun when you stop screaming."

"So…sorry…to…disappoint…you…" Kanda hacked out in what he'd tried to be sarcasm. A snort was his response.

She roughly yanked his head up by his hair, "You're right I'm disappointed! You were so much fun to play with when I could still dance in your body! But no! You had to go and have a mental block put up so that I couldn't play with my precious Allen-kun!" Her face had twisted into a mask of fury.

Kanda couldn't help the half-hearted chuckle, "He's…not…yours…"

"Of course he is!" Kanda's head whipped sideways with the force of Rhode's backhand. A candle embedded into his hip and erupted with another attack of pure agony. Red tinged his vision as he bit back his howl of pain.

"Moyashi…is…Moyashi's…"

Rhode threw Kanda's head backwards to crack violently against the wall of her dream world. "Oh yeah? And what about when you raped him? Huh? How can YOU act so high and mighty when it was YOUR lust and YOUR desire I manipulated! YOUR body did the deed!"

Kanda didn't deny it, nor did he acknowledge her statement. He hung limply in silence until she faded out of sight again. He let out a sigh of relief that sounded more like a whimper of despair. Tears blurred his vision just barely. _'As long as Moyashi's safe…even from me…'_

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Allen and Lenalee had managed to evade any other Dark Order exorcists, finders, or officials. The weather in the mountains was more than just cold and vicious. It was eerily still. They had expected to find this storm the townsfolk down at the summit had told them was coming. The people had tried so hard to dissuade them from coming up here due to that fact. They weren't going to listen. Especially Allen. If his frozen fingers slowed him down, he'd gladly leave them behind. As long as he could get to Kanda…that's all that mattered.

Lenalee slowed beside Allen. He followed her example and looked over at her, "What is it?"

Lenalee's face was a mask of fear and dismay. She knelt down and began to dig through the snow. "I thought I felt a strange…pulse. Almost like my Dark Boots were reacting with something…"

Allen knelt beside her and began to aid her. In only a few minutes, a black hilt bled into sight among the cruel, blinding white of the snow. They exchanged a quick glance before digging faster. As they suspected, Mugen appeared. Allen wrapped his nearly frost-bitten hands around the precious tool. He looked all around them. He stood up and cradled Mugen to his chest.

"Kanda…"

"He was here." Lenalee watched Allen. "But, he would never have left Mugen behind on his own, Allen."

Allen wouldn't meet her gaze; instead he hid his eyes from her with his bangs. "No. No he wouldn't. She must have him…"

"You don't think she's…"

He snapped fire-laden eyes onto Lenalee. "No."

Lenalee took an unconscious step backwards, away from Allen. She wasn't sure what to say, or even do.

"We will find him."

"Y-yes…"

"I won't let her get away, Lenalee. Please understand that now." Allen turned his back on the poor flustered girl and began to trudge through the snow again. "She's left a clue for us. She's too sadistically egotistical to not lead me to her. After all, it's ME she wants more."

Lenalee raised her eyes to the heavens and prayed a silent prayer to whoever was listening that she wasn't going to lose both brothers and friends in one go.

* * *

_Please forgive any spelling issues, grammer issues...issues... I'm really tired but knew I wanted to get this up tonight. Again, sorry for the loooong and rediculous delay! Next chapter should (and I'm really hoping here!) be a bit longer! Now that I've found some of my swing back, I can wrap it on up! ...Sort of..._

_Anywho! Nothing belongs to me except the evil mastermind behind the situations! Thank you!_

**_E.H._**


	12. Tell Me I Asked for It

_**Author's Note:**_

_Yay! Another chapter up and done! Thank you **olivia-yuymaxwell** for your review! First I've had in a long time! Hope the last chapter wasn't made of suckage. I feel like I spent a little more thought and effort on this chapter. There are probably several mistakes, if you find one, please forgive me. Long day at work=very tired writer. That and I need to sew my Princess Peach cosplay...so...since I've delayed on it a bit more than I should have to work on this...the next chapter may be tomorrow night or may be well, a few days away. _

_I promise there will another chapter soon though! So here it is! Chapter 11, enjoy!_

* * *

**Tell Me I Asked for It**  
**Chapter 11**

Allen and Lenalee trudged forward through the cold day as it waned into nightfall. They shared an equally weary expression. They had to find some form of shelter soon; the night would bring on a drastic drop in temperature. Lenalee squinted into the distance, making out small points of light further ahead among some of the trees. She turned to Allen only to find him staring at Mugen blankly as he walked. She felt her heart drop at the sight. One of her friends was suffering from worry while the other one was suffering through god-knows-what and here she was, useless.

"Allen…?" Silence met her, "Allen-kun…there's some lights up ahead."

Allen shook his head and looked up, "I'm sorry, Lenalee. What did you say?"

"There are some lights up ahead." She gestured toward the horizon. "Maybe we should pick up the pace and see if we can reach it before it gets too dark."

"Yeah, sure…"

Lenalee frowned but nodded and moved a little faster. By the time they reached the small lodge, the sun had dropped along with the temperature. Both were shivering intensely when they stepped inside. An older lady came bustling over after grabbing two large wools; she threw one on each of the freezing exorcists.

"I haven't seen exorcists up here this often in many years!" Her face was filled with a bright smile. Her rosy cheeks and nose only added to her charm. "Come come, over to the fire children…"

Lenalee allowed the older woman to push her over to the fireplace. She didn't regret the decision at all once the heat hit her body. She sighed in content and sunk to her knees, rubbing her hands in front of the fire. Allen stood frozen before the heat. He seemed to suddenly click into place and looked around confused.

"Lenalee, where exactly are we?"

"A lodge in the Alps." She watched him carefully. "Are you going to be all right?"

Allen stayed silent for a while before meeting her gaze with a forced smile. "Yes, I'll be fine. Thank you for your concern, Lenalee-chan."

The lady returned, "Here you are, young ones. Some fresh clothes for you both. I'll put some soup on."

Lenalee thanked the woman, silently praying that she wasn't an akuma. Allen seemed to be in and out of conscious thought, so she wasn't even sure he _would_ sense an akuma if there was one around. She tugged on his sleeve lightly to get his attention. The action brought back a wave of nostalgia. Memories of her young self tugging on Komui's sleeve and looking up at him. Allen, unlike Komui, took a while to respond. When he did, his eyes were vacant for a second or two before brightening with recognition. She held the men's clothing to Allen.

"The kind lodge keeper brought us some dry clothing…"

"Oh…" Allen took them carefully and nodded. He glanced around and spotted the rest room; with a nod toward it he spoke again, "why don't you go ahead and change first, Lenalee-chan."

She nodded and stood up, heading to the rest room.

Allen returned to his own thoughts. He couldn't figure out why Rhode would take Kanda. He, himself? Well, yes, that made more sense. She seemed far more intent on, if not obsessed with, Allen than on Kanda. He felt a stirring of anger in his gut again just thinking about Rhode and what she'd put Kanda through. The sound of rustling clothing caught his attention as he glanced at the lodge keeper. She smiled genuinely and set down a tray of steaming soup, bread rolls, and what smelled like hot cider. His eye didn't react to her, so he knew they were safe for now. The smell of the soup twisted his stomach into painful knots of hunger. Before he could say thank you, his stomach loudly announced how hungry he was. The little old woman gave a soft howl of laughter.

"Sounds like you're quite the hungry boy! Eat, eat, please. Eat as much as you like. There's more in the kitchen." She watched Allen with a curious expression in her eyes.

He shifted from one foot to the other, uncomfortable under her gaze. "Um, thank you very much for your hospitality. Please let us know how much our bill is?"

"Oh, there's no bill, dears. There's no need for you to pay. The Order has done us many favors over the years, so it's only natural that I do the same." She smiled again, warm and inviting. Still, her gaze made Allen a little nervous.

"Is there a problem…?"

"You remind me of someone."

"I do?"

"Yes. Someone from many years ago…" She squinted as if her memory wasn't as clear as it ought to be.

Allen frowned, "Do you remember their name?"

She waved her hand dismissively, "Oh, it was such a long time ago. I hardly remember the names of my own sons most days. All I remember was he was very gentlemanly and said he was in the circus business."

Lenalee re-entered the room, dressed in dry and warm clothing. The woman quickly took Lenalee's uniform from her and headed off to wash it. Allen stood paralyzed; this time not from thoughts of Kanda, but rather from thoughts of someone else dear to him. Could this person the lady talked about really be who he thought it was? But why? Why would he be all the way up here? Allen really wanted to talk with the lady more, but knew that he would have to wait. He gathered up the clothing she'd offered and headed in to change. After a hot meal and a good night's rest, he'd ask her more about the mysterious man in the morning.

* * *

_Good, bad, ugly? _

_Maybe a break was what I needed to finally see where I wanted to go with this beastie! I've found it at last! Mwahahaha! Hope you guys enjoyed it. If not, feel free to throw tomatoes at my coffin during my funeral. I won't mind. _

_See you soon!_

**_E.H._**


	13. Tell Me I'll Never Forget

_**Author's Note:**_

_Here's another chapter! Three in four days, whew! Man I feel like I finally got my groove back! (Does anyone really even use 'groove' anymore? What's up with that Erika?) This chapter is probably what could be considered filler, but I feel it adds a little more to Allen. A little twist. That's all. None of this is based on Manga, mind you. This is just my musings as a Fanfiction Writer. _

_Well, I suppose it's time to do the disclaimer again... Do I have to? Yes...I do._

_I do not own ANY of Hoshino, Katsura's characters. No matter how badly I'd love to own myself a Kanda for my bed...or an Allen for my bedside table...or a Lavi for my closet...or a Tyki for my shower...or a Bak for my basement...or a Komui for my laundry room..._

_Anyways! On to the chapter! _

* * *

**Tell Me I'll Never Forget**  
**Chapter 12**

Allen had an impossible time sleeping. Yes, the bed was incredibly comfortable. Yes, he was exhausted. No, Lenalee's soft breathing did not keep him awake. He looked over at her sleeping form next to him. She'd demanded that he not sleep on the floor or the small armchair just because it was a one bedded room. He soft breath flowed over his arm as her dark hair fell into her face. He reached over and moved a piece of it from her face. Why couldn't he have fallen for her? Things would have been infinitely easier if he'd just fallen in love with this girl. He loved her, yes, but not as a lover. She was his sister in heart. He sighed and climbed off the bed. He quickly grabbed the over shirt the lodge keeper had loaned him along with the huge winter coat. After quietly dressing, he slipped out of the room and across the lodge. He found his dried boots by the dying fire. Hefting them, he padded to the door as silently as the old wooden floor would let him. At the door, he crammed his feet into the boots and stepped out into the cold night.

The night was clear with crisply fallen snow. The temperature was much colder than it had been when they'd come up the mountainside. He looked up as he made his way farther away from the lodge; the sky was stunning. Clear, ink-black sky, with so many pin-pricks of light that he didn't have to adjust his vision at all to see met his gaze. The moon was a crescent grin, floating at an odd angle over the trees. It almost looked like someone was watching him from over the trees and taunting him. He felt his ire rise as he sunk to his knees. Allen's fist began to punch the ground repeatedly as he cried out. Anger seeped from every pour as desperation floated around him in wisps. He could just imagine beating Rhode's face in, her stupid Noah's grin slowly collapsing under the blows, her blood coating his hand as he continued to -

A strong hand grabbed his shoulder and caused him to jump and spin on the person. He came face to face with the lodge keeper. She stood there, silent and strong before him. She hadn't even flinched when he'd turned on her. His cheeks felt suddenly very frozen as he realized he'd been crying. His hand throbbed and felt oddly warm. The old woman stepped forward and wrapped her arms about his frame. He felt himself slip into her warmth and settle his head on her shoulder. He returned her embrace and felt all his defenses crash down as the tears rose up again and flooded his eyes. She rubbed soothing circles on his back. They stood like that for what Allen would assume was hours. He felt so powerless, so little and young, all over again.

"You're going to catch your death out here, young one." She rasped, obviously affected by either the cold or lack of sleep. Allen nodded and stood up a little straighter, allowing her to guide him back into the lodge. She re-stocked the fire and got it going. "A little tea or soup for your limbs, child?"

He was about to refuse but the offer was just so nice and inviting he couldn't. "Yes, please. Tea would be wonderful."

She smiled and lifted herself slowly, making her way toward the kitchen in the back. Allen watched her retreat into the kitchen area. She returned shortly after with a tray loaded down with all manners of treats, a tea kettle, tea bags, cups, spoons, sugar, and cream. She used a long hooked took to pull a hanging rod out from the fireplace, settle the tea kettle on it, and swing it back into the fire. Allen watched the flame rise up and lick the bottom of the kettle only to be swallowed up by another one attempting to do the same. He shifted in his seat, slightly uncomfortable. He turned his gaze away from the fire and looked at the lodge keeper's face. She was watching him with a strangely gentle yet guarded expression. Allen sat back into the chair, making himself comfortable.

"I can't understand why you're helping us."

"I've already said why, young exorcist. The Order was kind to us up here over the years. Repaying them isn't a crime, is it?"

"Please, call me Allen." He leveled her with a quizzical look. "It's more than that. You keep watching me as if you know me. This man you said I remind you of…his name wouldn't happen to have been, Mana, would it?"

She smiled openly, "All right then, Allen. My name is Margarette. So you do know of whom I spoke. Then yes, you must be the small boy he told me he found…"

"How do you know Mana?"

She waved her hand dismissively, "oh, many years ago we were…close."

Allen raised an eyebrow at this. "Close? _How_ close?"

"We were lovers when we were younger. My father disapproved of him, his mother disapproved of me. It never panned out. But he came up here right around 12 years ago. He'd come to ask for my advice. Should he take on this small boy he'd found? Or should he just let the boy go?"

Allen frowned, suddenly very aware of an odd sort of…sadness that filled his chest. "H-he didn't know if he wanted to take me?"

"Oh, no no no! Dear me, no! He wanted to! Oh my goodness, how he desired to take you in and raise you. What he was unsure of was whether he was fit enough to do so; whether he would be the right one to take you in." Margarette smiled sadly, unshed tears glistening in her eyes.

"Mana doubted whether he could be the right father for me?" Allen blinked and knit his brows together in confusion. "Why wouldn't he have been? He was a wonderful father…I…could have been a better child…"

A soft laugh from Margarette made Allen look back to her soft features. It was obvious she still loved Mana. "What child is ever perfectly behaved? Allen, let me tell you something…"

Allen nodded, "all right…"

"Mana raised you. When I saw you, I knew it was you. You're mannerisms, the way you walk; you even talk like he did." At this she dabbed a tear from her eye, "You've become exactly what Mana wanted you to be. If he were here, Allen, he'd be so proud to see the man you've become."

Allen snorted distastefully. "I doubt that…"

"How so? Why do you doubt?"

Allen couldn't meet her gaze, "I…I fell in love with another man. How could Mana possibly be proud of me?" He whispered painfully.

Margarette reached over and settled her hand on his knee, "Because he loved you as if you were the child we lost…"

Allen's head snapped up. The child they'd lost? What did she mean by that? He didn't have a chance to ask as the kettle began to whistle. Margarette got up to retrieve it with a hot pad in her hand. She carefully poured the steaming water into the two mugs; plopping the two tea bags into the cups, she returned to her seat. She handed him the other cup.

"Before you ask, Mana and I didn't stop seeing each other. Admittedly, I had an affair even while married to my husband. When I became pregnant…it was sixteen years ago now…I was elated and scared. I knew it was Mana's. My husband had been gone for six long months at sea. So when I found out I was four months pregnant, well…it was no surprise who my baby's father was."

Allen was born sixteen years ago. No wonder Mana had cared for him like he had been his own son. "So what did you both do?"

"My husband was due back in port three days after I found out." She sighed and sipped some of the hot liquid, hissing lightly at the temperature. "Mana told me that I had to tell my husband. It was wrong, what we were doing. He told me he'd stand by my side and let my husband slug him if it needed to come to that."

Allen shook his head, "Mana always did know how to sacrifice himself, didn't he?"

She laughed and nodded, "Oh yes. He did. He told me, if my husband detested our child that much…that he'd gladly take our child and disappear forever. I didn't want that, but knew what was best. I waited those three days. I was showing. But that night, our home was robbed. The robber took everything. When I tried to stop him from taking my grandmother's wedding ring, he threw his elbow against my head. I fell onto the coat hanger…"

Allen leaned forward. He could hear the pain in Margarette's voice.

"I landed on the end with the coat hooks and…incidentally, my stomach was impaled." She laid her hand gently on her stomach. Allen felt his eyes widen as he too fought back tears of sadness for her. How she could retell this story to him without crying, Allen would never know. "When the doctors managed to stop the bleeding and sew me closed again…they informed me the baby had been killed. Not much was left to say. Mana came in the next day only to find my husband home alone. My husband told him what had happened and even let Mana come see me. Mana didn't tell him what had happened. My husband believed that the child was his own and that I'd just thought to surprise him with being pregnant upon his return. Both men stood in my hospital room mourning the loss of my child. Mana, ever the gentleman he was, gave his condolences to my husband and me for the loss of _our_ child and left. I didn't see him again for four years. At that point, my eldest son was three. Somehow, by some miracle, I'd managed to have him and would have three more."

Allen sat in silence. "So, to Mana…"

"_You_ were the child we lost. The one he could never have or hold. He'd found a child that he knew would be most like what ours would have been." Margarette looked fondly at Allen with the glistening gaze of a mother. "I just wish I could have met you earlier on. In my eyes, Allen, you are just as much my son as you were Mana's."

Allen looked at her and felt his eyes cloud with tears.

"Do what you must to be happy, Allen. Even if it goes against what everyone ever tells you is right, do what you know is right for your heart. True love is only once in a lifetime."

He nodded and drank his tea with Margarette in silence for the rest of the early morning hours. When he fell asleep, he didn't know. But he eventually did fall fast asleep. Margarette laid blankets upon him and left him to sleep, uninterrupted by the fire. Allen dreamed. He dreamed of Mana and his love for him. But mostly, he dreamed of Kanda. He dreamed of what their future could hold. But most of all, he dreamed that Kanda was safe in his arms again.

* * *

_Annnnd, that's the end of that one! I promise some Kanda goodness in the next chapter! I just felt that Allen needed a little more interesting things to happen to him in this chapter. Aren't I just the sweetest author? I like to torture my Allen-kun with lots of twisted plotline goodies! _

_Hope you enjoyed this! Next chapter coming soon!_

**_E.H._**


	14. You Could Give Me Anything but Love

_**Author's Note: **_

_Holy cow. Another update. ^.^ THIS one...I'm not sure if everything stayed in characters. But I could feel the intensity of all of this in my head...so if it's intense, please know that in my head? It was worse. I had a hard time breathing on a few parts because I was so busy typing and reacting to the situations myself. .;;;; My facial expressions...I'm sure if my room-mate saw them would be laughing hysterically at how odd and out of place they probably were. Another side note: please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors. It's bed-time now and I have to get up earlier than normal. So between rushing a wee bit and tiredness...there may be mistakes. Well, here we go!_

_Next chapter! Enjoy!_

* * *

**You Could Give Me Anything but Love  
Chapter 13**

Kanda felt a gentle caress trail his jaw bone. He opened his eyes to see Allen kneeling in front of him with a tender look on his face. His heart felt heavy as he tried to look away. _Not again_, he thought as he fought the anger and desperation down. Allen leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

"It's all right, Kanda…I'm here now…"

Kanda couldn't even muster the strength to scoff, snort, or even pull away. Allen's fingers moved down his chin to his neck. Kanda knew what was coming before it occurred. Two hands wrapped around his throat and began to choke him. He fought with all he could possibly gather. Right before he was to pass out, Allen let go and laughed; he placed his hand over his mouth as he grinned. The grin was not a normal one of amusement but that of the Noah.

"You're so pathetic, Kanda!" Allen laughed even harder, throwing his head back. "You think I'd want to save you after all you've done to me? Don't make me sick!"

Kanda coughed, hanging his head. Allen stood, bringing his laughter down to a simple chortle. He picked up his foot and swung as hard as possible into Kanda's gut. Blood splattered from Kanda's mouth as he began to dry heave. Allen began to cackle as he stood over Kanda.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Kanda." Allen grabbed Kanda's hair and lifted his head to stare him in the eyes. He studied Kanda very closely with a tilt of his head. "Hmmm…"

Kanda managed to gather enough saliva to spit in Allen's face. "Get…away…from me…Rhode…"

Rhode tossed her head back roughly while laughing maniacally as she melted out of Allen's appearance. "Awww…you don't like it when I play Allen-kun for you?"

Kanda wanted to have his hands free so badly; ripping her face off repeatedly sounded like such a joyful occasion to him at this point. He glared at her through his bangs. Images of what he could do to make her pay for not only hurting Allen through his body, but also for the things she'd done to him as well, filled his head. Rhode paced out of his line of sight; no doubt to her chair where she'd sit and try to piss him off.

X.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.X

Margarette loaned both Lenalee and Allen more coats filled with down and thick furs. She walked them halfway down the path away from the lodge. She looked up at the bright morning sun peeking over the horizon. The light swathed over the pure white snow in an orange-red display that was eerily like spilt blood diluting over the surface of the icy landscape. Frowning, Margarette grasped Allen's arm, gaining his attention immediately.

"Make haste and be overly cautious, Allen…" She warned in a weary tone.

Lenalee followed Margarette's gaze to the painted horizon. She felt an odd shiver trail down her spine despite how warm she was at current. She looked to Allen, reading his expression.

His eyes were narrowed, "It's not we who'll have to be cautious, Margarette. But we'll take heed in any case." He turned his gaze to the older woman and a kind, warm, sincere smile filled Allen's face. He looked upon the woman adoringly as a son would his mother as he left home. "We'll return to see you again soon. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Allen. In that, Mana was the largest fool."

Allen laughed lightly, "Well then, let me make amends for my father. I _will return_, Margarette. I don't break promises."

Tears prickled Margarette's eyes as she nodded and smiled. She moved her hands in a shooing motion before turning and discretely wiping the tears away. "You'd better not break that promise, Allen Walker…"

Allen grinned before turning to Lenalee. "Let's go Lenalee. We have a dream-weaving Noah to confront."

Lenalee felt her spirits lift and nodded. "Yes. Yes, we do."

The two moved forward through the quiet landscape, unknowing of their destination, but feeling they'd reach it today. Allen could feel it in the very pit of his soul; today they would face Rhode Camelot. If he wasn't leaving WITH Kanda in his arms, then by God, he was going to take her out with his very dying breath. Determination settled into his shoulders as they made their way.

X.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.X

Kanda couldn't recall when he'd passed out but he was suddenly awoken again by a screech-like noise. The thudding sound of pacing feet filled the air around him. He looked up to see Rhode moving back and forth frantically before him. She was mumbling to herself as she twirled an obnoxiously loud umbrella around.

"Rhode-tamaaaaaaaa…stop it, leroooooo!" The umbrella seemed to be changing from his pumpkin orange face color to a very unappetizing shade of green.

Rhode stopped spinning him long enough to throw him up into the air. The umbrella defied all gravity and logic by seemingly stopping his decent back down and floating in mid-air. "This shouldn't be happening! It's not like I'm breaking any rules!"

"_You_ may see it that way, Rhode-tama. But Earl-tama doesn't, lero!"

"All I want to do is play around with my precious Allen! I'm _helping_ by _breaking_ him! Doesn't that make any sense! Why am I losing my play-toys?" Rhode pouted in a fashion akin to a toddler.

The umbrella sighed, "Don't you see, lero? Earl-tama wants to _kill_ Allen Walker, lero! Not _play_ with him, lero!"

"But Lero…" She bat her eyelashes at him, "can't you just ask Earley-kins for just a little more time? If I break Allen, than he won't have to kill him…see? I can just make him my doll. Trap him here!"

"No, lero!"

"Pleaseeeeee?"

"No, lerooo!"

"Not even for _me?_"

"…No…lero?"

Rhode folded her hands before her and made her lip quiver expertly while allowing her eyes to tear up. "Lero…I'll even promise to get you that cake you love so much…"

"…" Lero, exasperated, wiggled impatiently. "Fine, lero! But if Earl-tama says no, lero…it's no, lero!"

Rhode nodded before opening a door and shoving Lero out. She shut the door with an annoyed huff. "Stupid rules..." She walked back to her 'throne' and flounced down. She glanced at her prisoner and tilted her head. Her eyes narrowed on him. "This is _your_ fault."

Kanda felt his features shift to show his frustration and disgust at her assumption. His fault? Really? How she came to that conclusion, he'd never want to know. He frowned suddenly, realizing he felt a little looser than earlier. Instead of moving to test this, he kept sculpture still so as not to give anything away to Rhode. She rose and moved over toward him. She knelt in front of him and turned her head far to the side to look at him from under his bangs.

"If you hadn't stolen my Allen-kun's heart…" She sighed heavily before sitting back in an odd squat with her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Tch."

She slapped Kanda roughly across the mouth. He tasted the coppery liquid that leaked from his not-so-newly cut lips. "Don't you know how to speak? Is THIS what he prefers?"

She stood up and grabbed one of her candles from mid-air; instead of making it fly at him, she took the effort to stab him personally in the hip. When he cried out in pain she only dug it in further. "Do you like suffering because of Allen? Huh?"

Kanda spat out, "bitch."

Rhode snorted before stepping back and waving her hand in a dismissal while causing the candle to explode. The cracking sound that vibrated through him to his ears made his eyes widen. He couldn't breathe due to the excruciation that slithered over his entire pelvic bone.

"Oh…did that hurt?" She batted her eyes in a deceptively innocent manner.

He hissed and grit his teeth. She reached forward and poked the fractured hip roughly. He screamed and twitched away from her hand only to bring on more searing pain. Rhode's viper laughter cut through his ears. He used the distraction on her part and pull his arm roughly down, tearing some of his flesh, and cutting his wrist deeply with the chain as he brought his fist around and planted it against her jaw with everything he could. She cried out and fell over, grabbing her jaw. Her jaw hung loosely as she screamed, shoving it back into place. He yanked his other wrist as well and used the chain to wrap around Rhode's throat. He was still too weak to fight her, not to mention the flaring of his broken hip, but if there was one thing he _could_ do, it was choke her. She threw her head back and into his nose. The crunch of it breaking brought a slew of profanity to mind and caused him to lose just enough grip on her for her to slip away. She scrambled for the chains at the same time he grasped an exploding candle.

X.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.X

Allen and Lenalee came across the entryway to the laboratory that Kanda had been sent to. They shoved the doors open to find it hollowed out and empty. Any evidence of a lab was gone and nothing more but stains of black remained from explosions. Allen moved farther inside; his feet carried him across the cold floor. Something inside him pulled him toward a door on the far side. He opened it and nearly felt his breath leave him.

"Lenalee! Here!"

Lenalee ran over to him and met the sight of Rhode's dream-world door. Strapped to it was a bloodied, broken Kanda. Chains pinned him in place as his head hung down with his chin pressed to his chest. He wasn't moving, let alone really breathing that they could see. Allen moved to run for him only to have the room shift and undulate underfoot. He stumbled for footing and heard Lenalee do the same. The room became a black chasm filled with explosive candles that he remembered all too well. Sick, sinister laughter filled the room, echoing off of everything and nothing all at once. Lenalee screamed from his left. Snapping his attention to her, he saw chains wrap around her as well, pinning her to a very large gift-wrapped-box. So many explosive candles stuck out from the box all around Lenalee. She squirmed only to have the chains tighten even more.

"Lenalee, don't move! They'll only tighten more!" He cried to her, meeting her gaze. Her eyes were clouded with fear but she nodded and obeyed.

A pair of cool, pale hands slid over his back and around his abdomen. "Awwwww…you found me, Al-len-kun…" Rhode cooed and puffed warm breath into his ear.

Allen spun out of her grip and without thought, activated his innocence. Crown Clown enveloped his figure in a comfortable embrace. His eyes narrowed in hatred as he looked at the creature that'd damaged the person he loved with all he had; not to mention attacking his best friend and capturing her as well. "Yes, Rhode…I did find you. What a coincidence?"

Rhode smiled in what she thought was a seductive manner. Something inside Allen shifted; snapped even. He felt a very odd sort of darkness bubble up and out of him in a laugh that didn't match him. Rhode's smile faltered at the sound as her eyes widened.

"Allen-kun?" She blinked before she felt it. She'd known all along because Earl-kins had said something about Allen being the 14th…but now? Seeing it in person? She felt tears prickle her eyes. Joy filled her up at the look that clung to Allen's features. The smirk that settled upon his lips was one that promised so much. "I knew you'd find your true sel-"

"Shut up."

She blinked in confusion as Allen lifted his innocence arm and pointed at her.

"You think I care about what you have to say, Rhode? You're going to wish I _never found you…"_

Rhode took a step back, laughing nervously, "Come on, Allen-kun. You wouldn't hurt me. Remember? I'm human…"

Allen's smirk died as his features shifted to a blank mask. "Human? Rhode…you are no more human than a demon."

With that, Allen lunged at her. Rhode brought forth a barrage of candles. All that filled the room was the sound of explosions, a scream, and bright, blinding light in an instant.

* * *

_Que evil laughter...now. Cliff hanger! But also a slightly bi-polar one at that! I know, right? Imagine how my head went when I stopped! It screamed at me to keep going but I couldn't. I had to stop there... I have a great idea of what's going to happen next but I need to write it out a certain way and if I just jump right into it, I don't think it will turn out right. In any case! Hope you enjoyed it! Update coming soon! _

_As if I could stay away from my computer for too much longer..._

_Special thanks to: **Azkateelia, letterbee96, FinalVerse, TotalAmuto, xxxwallflowerxxx, sweetkakes35, BehindThe Sky, olivia-yuymaxwell, jackie78, teito13, Doitsu, and all other reviewers.**_

_Without you guys and your reviews, I wouldn't be able to move forward! Big hearts!_

_I promise more fluff is coming! We have to get past a few...(gritting teeth) issues...first. _

_Thank you all for your reviews and all you readers! _

**_E.H._**


	15. Does It Feel Good to Fight

_**Author's Note: **_

_Hello all! Wow. Thanks for all the awesome reviews guys! You guys have no idea how they keep me going. Even when I thought my story was nothing more than crap, you guys pushed me forward. Thank you so much! _

_Oh yeah, before I get too much farther... 123 reviews! Kick-A! It's an awesome number. Not only is it past 100, but it's all three numbers IN A ROW. Sorry, I'm spazzing on this because to me, it's a K-A achievement. If I get 234 reviews...I'll probably have around the same reaction. Oh! I know! If I can reached 234 reviews on this story, I'll right a one-shot Yullen for you all. ^.^ Yuppers! _

_Soooo...I really don't want to say much more. I'm afraid I'll give it all away. So, keeping my excitement at bay, here it is! Chapter 14! Enjoy!_

* * *

**Does It Feel Good to Fight  
Chapter 14**

With that, Allen lunged at her. Rhode brought forth a barrage of candles. All that filled the room was the sound of explosions, a scream, and bright, blinding light in an instant.

Allen stood in the room as the light faded, his arm was now drawn from his body as the sword of the Crown Clown cloak. Rhode stood across from him, with both arms raised. Candles hovered around her as she panted. She glared at Allen as she threw more candles in his direction. As before, he raised his sword and hit them back at Rhode. The candles exploded in front and around Rhode's face. She screamed and threw herself back from Allen.

"Why are you fighting me? Don't you get it? You're one of US, not THEM!" She raged as she used her dream-world chains against him; they manifested out of thin air and tangled around Allen. He struggled against them with a growl.

"I'm _nothing_ like you!" He felt the candle hit and dig in before he had a chance to react as the explosion deafened him for a moment. It was just the right opportunity for Rhode. She was before him in an instant; her small fist planting itself into his stomach. His stomach lurched as she pummeled his gut.

"ALLEN-KUN!" Lenalee screamed, strength renewed as she fought against the chains again. She cried out in her own pain as they tightened even more across her; breathing was becoming harder. Her boots activated without her command, for which she was grateful. She swung her heel back, succeeding in cracking the surface she was tied to.

Allen watched with horror as Mugen launched from under his cloak and slid across the floor from the force of Rhode's kick to his abdomen. He was not going to lose his link to Kanda, especially if he was even half as lifeless as he looked. Allen gained some ounce of strength back and sliced a few chains away but wasn't able to block Rhode's attacks just yet. He dodged one of the candles _just barely_ as it whizzed past his head. He stepped back, losing ground one step at a time. Rhode stepped back long enough to cackle insanely. Even Allen could feel that whatever grip on sanity she may have had was slipping into the abyss steadily. Angry Rhode Camelot was one thing to deal with, psycho-bitch Rhode was _not_ going to be easy to fight. Dealing with his own inner struggle at the moment, Allen swung the sword at Rhode.

Rhode looked down at her now bloodied shoulder. Whatever it was that was holding her together, snapped. The tightly wound wire recoiled with such a force that Allen could have sworn he _heard_ it occur. "You…cut…me…"

Allen felt the chains slacken barely before letting loose a shudder and tightening back up around him. One link at a time, they lit up with electricity. It shot down the chains from out of sight and straight to Allen in the blink of an eye. His entire body lit up with excruciation. His mouth opened in a silent scream as his eye rolled backward. He could barely make out the sound of Lenalee's screams of pain over the sound of his bones clattering. Everything in him told him to just close his eyes and let it take his consciousness away. All except one tiny part of him that told him to keep standing, fight. The vision of Mana standing ahead of him farther down the walkway filled his head.

"_Just keep walking…" Mana said with a sad smile, "Always remember that one thing, Allen. You'll never get anywhere if you don't keep walking."_

The electric jolts ceased as Allen's body fell to his knees. He held himself up with his sword. With his head down, hair obscuring his face from view, Allen laughed. It started as a small shaking in his shoulders and spread like wildfire down his frame as the chortling became chuckles. The chuckles erupted into full on laughter as he knelt there in the face of adversity.

"What's so funny, Walker?" Rhode hissed, walking toward him. She had a candle in a death like vice and held up above as though to stab Allen with it.

Allen's laughter died immediately, his eyes looking up through his bangs at her. "Mana was right."

The confusion that filled Rhode's face was all that Allen needed. He sprung forward, ignoring the chains as if they didn't exist and caught Rhode in the side. She shrieked and leapt back, throwing the candle half-assed. It bounced off the sword and exploded mid-air. Allen attacked Rhode full on, swing after swing. She dodged barely each time and cried out in frustration.

She threw herself back into the door that Kanda was tied to. In that one movement, both she and Allen realized something they'd failed to notice before. The door was empty. Chains hung limply without anyone attached. Allen lost sight of his drive. Kanda was gone.

Rhode saw movement to her left and couldn't react in time as Mugen stabbed through her elbow and directly into her ribcage; sufficiently locking her arm in place. The agony that tore loose from her throat was delicious to Kanda's damaged ears. Chains rained down around Rhode now. At the ends of the chains, Lenalee stood on top of the door. She pulled them taught and nodded to Allen.

"Now, Moyashi!" Kanda managed as he leaned heavily on one of the floating gift-wrapped boxes. "It's now or never!"

Allen didn't hesitate as he threw everything he had into his attack. The sword went all the way through Rhode's chest. At the precise moment of his attack, Lenalee let go of the chains and jumped down from the door. Kanda pulled Mugen free of the enraged Noah. The door behind Rhode opened as she stumbled backwards, off the sword, crying and clutching her chest. Her eyes met Allen's as she screamed his name before the doors shut soundly, blocking them from her.

The world shifted. The floor rattled and rumbled. Kanda fell to his knees, clutching Mugen as though it was his only lifeline. Allen shrugged free of the chains and sheathed his sword back into his arm. He crossed the room to Kanda in nothing flat and hefted the older male onto his shoulder. Lenalee, without being asked or told, gathered the Japanese exorcist's sword and sheath. They could hear the deafening roar of the laboratory. The ceiling began to drop chunks down around them. They ran for it. Crossing the shaking building's floor was anything but easy. Lenalee saw the doorway and flitted ahead to use her Dark Boots to kick it open. She then ushered Allen out. Both teens ran as far as their tired legs could possibly take them in the snowy terrain. Allen turned only to freeze in place and issue a curse that would have made General Cross blush. Lenalee turned and saw what Allen was seeing. The lab was caving in. That wasn't what had them suddenly very wary; it was the avalanche that the shaking had created. Lenalee grabbed Allen and Kanda and did the only thing she could think of. She dug her heels in and used every ounce of strength she had and launched them high above the reach of the avalanche as it cascaded past her feet.

Her poor, tired arms, could hardly hold onto both men. She realized, too late, that her jump had no direction. They were going to begin plummeting back down into the snow as soon as they reached the height of her jump. As soon as they were in the moon's light, they began to free-fall back down. There was nothing Lenalee could do, except possibly use whatever she had left to at least break their fall. Allen looked at her face and could see the fear etched into the planes of her features. She noticed his look and smiled a fake reassurance.

Right as the snow rose to greet them, she threw everything she had into her feet to soften the blow to Allen and Kanda. The avalanche had at least slowed by the time they hit. A loud snapping sound filled the air before the whooshing, sloshing, and crunching of the snow plowing into them. They rolled for what seemed like forever in a river of snow. When they slowed to a stop, they couldn't tell which way was up.

Allen couldn't feel Kanda near him. Nor could he feel Lenalee. He began to dig desperately. When his hand broke the surface from behind him, he bucked his way up and backwards. Breaking loose of the ice grave he gasped for air. He looked around him. Fear and panic welled up inside his chest.

"Kanda! Lenalee!" He cried and looked about. He couldn't see _any_ sign of them. He crawled out and across the snow's surface, ignoring his protesting wounds. He found an indentation ahead. He rushed for it and tumbled into it. His hands instantly busied themselves digging. "Kanda? Lenalee?"

His hands became numb right before his hand struck something. He pulled his hand back and saw a slice across his palm and a fresh stream of blood. He looked down to see Mugen, unsheathed, sticking up at him. His desperation grew as he pulled Mugen free along with scabbard. Soon his hand struck something hard again. This time, a boot emerged and Allen dug it out slowly uncovering a leg. A male leg.

"KANDA!" He uncovered Kanda's head and pulled him free of the snow. Kanda breathed heavily and coughed before he opened his eyes.

"Stop…yelling, idiot Moyashi…"

Allen cried and buried his face happily into Kanda's shoulder. "You're alive!"

"Of course I am!" Kanda snapped, pushing Allen away, though not nearly as roughly as he'd have done in the past. A thought occurred to him right before he felt his own stomach drop. "Where's Lenalee?"

Allen jumped back and stumbled away as fast as he could. "LENALEE! WHERE ARE YOU!"

"Stop yelling! Listen for her!"

Both fell silent and listened to the overwhelming silence. Allen felt tears of frustration welling up in his eyes. A small sound met his ears. He blinked and looked at Kanda. "Did you make that noise?"

"No." Kanda rose, obviously pained by the action, and pointed in the direction just before Allen. "It came from there."

Allen practically fell over himself to get to the area and fell silent again, waiting. In just a moment later, a muffled sound came from right below him. He shoved his frozen fingers into the snow and threw it aside. Kanda joined him and both men dug into a small pocket in the snow. A scream, now un-muffled, erupted from the air pocket.

"Lenalee! We're here! Just hang on!" Allen yelled to her as both men dug her out. As soon as she was fully uncovered, Allen realized the reason for her screaming.

Her legs were both broken. The snapping sound he'd heard right before the roar of the snow engulfing them; it had been her legs. Guilt and anger at himself flooded him. He glanced at Kanda and saw the same reflected inside his eyes. Allen tore his jacked from his shoulders, ignoring the bite of the frigid winter air. He wrapped her legs extremely tightly. Her screaming echoed around them, filling the night. Kanda started whispering something in Chinese to her, stroking her hair gently. Allen watched Kanda, mesmerized by the man. Kanda looked up once Lenalee had calmed down enough to stop screaming, instead gasping with silent sobs.

"We have to move her. If we stay here, we'll all die."

Allen nodded and looked around himself. "If I could just know where the hell we are, I could locate Margarette lodge…"

Kanda raised an eyebrow, "Margarette?"

Allen waved the question off, much to Kanda agitation. But Kanda let it drop. For now. For Lenalee's sake. "I think it's that way…"

Kanda looked in the direction Allen pointed. "Well…there's only one way to tell."

With that, he heaved Lenalee into his arms only to fall to the ground. Lenalee clamped her jaw tightly shut to keep from screaming in pain again from the jostling. Allen was there in an instant. "Kanda…"

"I'm fine." Kanda growled but looked at Lenalee then back to Allen. "But I think you should carry her. Rhode fucked up my hip."

Allen blinked at the choice of words. "Your hip?"

"Yes. Moyashi. My hip. It's broken as well."

"Why didn't you say something, BaKanda! You were trying to walk on it?"

"What else was I supposed to do? Drag myself on my belly?"

"Better than putting stress on it!"

"I'd rather take my chances with the snow!"

"Why are you so stubborn, BaKanda?"

"Why are you so goddamn annoying, Moyashi! You aren't my kaa-san!"

"I don't even know what a kaa-san is, BaKanda!"

"That's because you aren't Japanese!"

"No! I'm British, num-nuts!"

"Please…stop…it…" Lenalee whimpered, looking at them both while shivering.

Allen glared at Kanda but turned to Lenalee and nodded. "We'll get you to Margarette soon, Lenalee."

"As long as the Moyashi doesn't get us lost…"

Allen sneered at Kanda but refused to dignify that with an answer. He hoisted Lenalee into his arms and looked at Kanda. "Lean on me…"

"No."

"BaKanda…"

"You have Lenalee." Kanda looked away, "I'd just add to the weight. Focus on getting us there. I'll be fine that far. The cold has numbed the pain."

"And if you fall again?"

"I'll get back up."

Allen sighed but gave in. _IF_ they made it, he'd be sure to beat some sense into Kanda later. For now, they had to move.

* * *

_Nothing like some good ole'fashioned Kanda/Allen banter. I just can't see them NOT fighting about something. They are just like an old married couple, aren't they? :) I promise next chapter with have some good Yullen action. (Cue the evil fangirl giggles)_

_Thank yous are in order!_

_Thank you to the following reviewers for the last chapter:_

**_Azkateelia, FinalVerse, letterbee96, TotalAmuto, xxSnowxxAngelxx, and Yuki Rearden_**

_And another great big thank you for all you readers (reviewers or not)! **THANK YOU!**_

_Now, off for some much needed sleeps..._

**_E.H._**


	16. Hurt Me With Nothing

**_Author's Note:_**

_^.^ I feel like this is a good chapter. Very sappy though. So um, please forgive any Out Of Character that probably oozed out there. Apparently the mood for this was saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy... But anyways, this is NOT the last chapter! I have a few more to go before the finale! I'm thinking of possibly doing a sequel afterwards...with another couple... But I'll have to leave that up to you guys. I'm thinking of a Tyki pairing. 3 But anyways! That's besides the point! On to the chapter! Enjoy!_

* * *

**Hurt Me With Nothing**  
**Chapter 15**

Allen kept glancing over at Kanda every few minutes. Besides moving a little slowly, he hadn't fallen down…yet. Lenalee seemed to have quieted down, which only served to worry Allen more. She was probably in shock now. Extremely cold weather, add on broken legs, hip, and shock. No a good combination for anyone involved. Allen felt rather warm, to the point that stripping his shirt off was looking like a good idea. He began to sweat as they trudged along. It felt like the sweat should have frozen immediately, but it didn't. It just rolled down his forehead and the back of his neck.

"Moyashi…"

Allen stopped and looked at Kanda. Besides heaving and favoring his good side, Kanda seemed all right. His gaze was on Allen, "Yeah? You okay?"

"You're sweating like a pig."

"…" Allen could feel his eyebrow twitch. "Why, thank you BaKanda! I didn't notice!"

Kanda bristled, "Oi! You're going into hypothermia!"

"How the hell would you know?"

"Just shut it and listen to me! You need to put your jacket back on!"

"Hello? It's currently holding Lenalee's legs together!"

"You're going to freeze to death, moron!"

Allen opened his mouth to yell something back when Lenalee cried out slightly. He turned his attention to her, "Lenalee-chan! Did I jostle your legs again?"

"N-no. L-lights…" she pointed weakly off toward a barely noticeable tree line. Indeed, lights were shining through the night.

"Margarette's!" Allen nearly jumped for joy, and nodded to Kanda. "Can you make it that far?"

He was met with a glare and a, "tch!"

Allen watched as Kanda trudged ahead of them, pretty much dragging his right leg and using Mugen as a dragging stick. If they weren't in so much danger out here, Allen would have thrown his head back and laughed at the sight. He shoved his humor aside for now. At least in favor of getting everyone back to the lodge in mostly one piece. The lights seemed to get farther away before suddenly being right there before him. He sighed in relief at the sight of the lodge looming before him. Right as they got close, the door swung open. Margarette came out, holding a rifle. When she recognized Allen and Lenalee, she gave a cry before placing the rifle beside the doorway.

"Oh my heavens! Whatever happened to you?" She came running over and assessed Lenalee before helping Allen move her into the lodge and onto the couch.

Kanda hesitated at the doorway before dragging himself in and closing the cold night out behind him. He shivered and went to move, only shifting the wrong hip. In a moment he was on the floor hissing out every Japanese curse word he could possibly muster. Allen left Lenalee in Margarette's care to rush over to Kanda.

"Are you okay?" Allen caught the incredulous look and rolled his eyes, "all right, all right. Stupid question. Let's get you up to one of the rooms."

"What about you, baka?"

"What about me?" Allen growled.

"You're sick!"

"What are you talking about? I'm fine!"

"You're sweating and shaking! Get the hell away from me and go get yourself warmed up!"

"Not until I know you're safe and secured!"

"The floor isn't going anywhere, idiot!"

"It could!"

"Oh really? Where to?"

"The hell if I know!"

"Tch!"

"Don't you dare, 'tch!' me, Kanda Yu!"

"Don't you dare call me Yu!"

"Why not? You call me Moyashi all the damned time!"

"SHUT UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!"

"AND I SAID NOT UNTIL I KNOW YOU'RE SAFE!"

"STOP BEING STUPID AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!"

"NO!"

"Why are you being so damned stubborn?"

"Because I can't lose sight of you again!" Tears erupted from Allen's eyes as he held onto Kanda's arm tightly.

Kanda blinked several times, looking up from where he laid. He sighed and reached up with his other hand to rest it on Allen's cheek. "I'm not going anywhere far from you again…"

Allen opened his eyes to stare at Kanda. His voice was barely a whisper, "Promise?"

"Always."

Allen nodded before he wiped his tears away. "Let me get you upstairs then I promise I'll get a hot shower and sit by the fire for two whole hours. Okay?"

Kanda glared daggers at him before sighing and nodding. Allen moved to carefully get Kanda up. Margarette was there in a moment.

"Allen, let me help you. Lenalee's all right for a minute. We have to be sure not to move his injured side or let him put any pressure on it."

"All right." The two maneuvered the injured man to one of the rooms on the ground level.

Margarette gave Allen a shove out of the room. "Go take a hot bath. Clothing is in the hallway closet. You have to make sure you make it scorching hot. You're body has to heat up right away. Understand?"

Allen nodded, not willing to argue. With a last look at Kanda he turned and headed to the bathroom. After drawing up a hot bath, he peeled his soaked and nearly frozen clothing off his body. He then dropped into the bath, yelping in pain at the way the water bit into him like thousands of little needles being forced into his skin. He settled back against the edge of the tub. He watched the water ripple all around him and finally realized he was shivering violently. With a bitter chuckle he shook his head. "He was right…"

When his body stopped shivering, he lifted himself from the water and quickly dried off and redressed in the borrowed clothing. He ignored his own clothing and headed to check on Kanda. He took a moment to check on Lenalee. She was sound asleep with both legs stabilized and wrapped up tightly. He frowned and looked to where Margarette sat in her rocking chair, knitting. She looked over and smiled warmly.

"She's fine, now. How are you feeling, Allen?"

"Much better. How did you know what to do?"

Margarette laughed, the sound so comforting to Allen, "so many skiing accidents, dear. You learn how to take care of the basics. I'm just glad I had a large supply of everything." She nodded to Kanda's door. "He's stabilized too."

Allen nodded. "How did you avoid the avalanche?"

Margarette frowned, "Avalanche? Ah." She shrugged. "That's what that was. We're set so far to the side that the main row gets all the avalanches…but they hardly ever happen." She paused mid-stitch to stare at Allen in horror. "Is that why you're all so worse for wear?"

Allen thought back to Rhode only to decide that was something Margarette didn't need to be dragged into. "Yes. We barely got out."

Margarette put her hand over hear heart. "Dear me, Allen. Don't tell an old woman these things. People hardly ever survive those things!"

Allen smiled. Just like a mother to worry like that. "Well, we did. We're here. Alive. I'm going to go in here now. Will you come get me if anything changes with Lenalee?"

Margarette nodded and turned back to her knitting. "Yes, dear. Go on in. I'll be right here if you need me."

Allen didn't question her. He opened the door and slipped in. Suddenly, spending time by the fire sounded far less appealing than curling up in here. He made his way to the bed and slipped under the covers. Kanda appeared to be asleep already. Allen smiled and moved to rest his head on Kanda's shoulder. When Kanda's arm came down and around him, he nearly cried out in surprise. He looked up into the older man's eyes. What he saw there was warmth, and something else.

"You were supposed to curl up by the fireplace, Moyashi."

"Yeah. I know."

Kanda smiled and closed his eyes. "Hn."

Allen closed his eyes, "I'm so happy you're alive…"

"That so?"

"Do you have any idea what it was like to see you strung up like that? You looked dead, Kanda…"

"I was."

Allen shot up and stared at Kanda. "B-but that's not possible!"

Kanda sighed, he shifted very carefully and bared the left side of his chest. The tattoo there had grown once more. It was now taking over his entire left side. Allen reached out hesitantly to touch the black markings. He slowly dragged his fingers over the design. "What does this mean…exactly?"

"I used up another life. I may have one left; maybe even two." Kanda shrugged nonchalantly.

Allen looked at Kanda. "How can you take this so lightly?"

"What choice do I have?"

"She killed you?"

"No. She tickled me." Kanda drawled sarcastically.

Allen gripped the bedding so hard that his knuckles turned white. Kanda saw this and settled his hand on Allen's.

"Why didn't I get there sooner?"

"Stop."

"I could have-"

"Stop, Allen."

Allen stared, not sure if the shock that just jolted his heartbeat was from Kanda's tone or the fact he'd used his name. His _real_ name, not Moyashi.

"There's nothing you could have done. She attacked me from the dream realm first. Why do you think I had to leave?"

Allen looked down at his hand covered by Kanda's.

"I couldn't trust that I was strong enough to fight her in her own world. I couldn't trust that I wouldn't…hurt you. Again."

"But you didn't have to die!" Allen cried out and put his forehead on Kanda's hand. "Now we have no idea how much time you have left! What if something happens and I…I …"

Kanda grabbed Allen's hand and pulled him to his chest. He gripped Allen's face in both hands and brought his lips down to his own. The electric zing that went through his body at the simplest touch of Allen's skin melted any resolve he'd had moments before. He let Allen know through his lips and tongue just how much he'd really missed him. Wanted him. Needed him. And Allen returned the kiss just as greedily. He moved up to straddle Kanda's waist only to realize his mistake too late. Kanda hissed and broke the kiss to clamp down the painful cry that welled up in his chest. Allen grimaced, and moved off.

"S-sorry. I forgot…"

Kanda sighed slowly, "yeah…so did I."

"Damn." Allen ran his hand through his hair. Kanda snorted. "What?"

"It'll be healed by morning…"

"You're really sure about that, aren't you?"

Kanda pointed to the tattoo again. "Not really a perk, but a benefit. I heal faster. At least…if I don't move the bones out of alignment."

Allen blushed, "which I would have done…"

Kanda smirked. "Probably."

Allen shifted awkwardly, not sure what to do now.

With a chortle, Kanda patted the spot next to him. "We don't have to have sex to appreciate seeing each other again. Lay down, Moyashi. Sleep. We both need it."

Allen nodded and did as told, he moved closer to Kanda. He happily draped his left arm over Kanda's chest while the older man wrapped his arm around him. They both settled into a comfortable sleep. Allen didn't dream for once. Kanda didn't fear sleep for once.

Margarette peaked into the room a while later and smiled at the sight of the two men huddled together. She shook her head and closed the door quietly. "They remind me of us, Mana…I know you're happy to see him happy. Please don't judge him because of his love but cheer him on for loving with such strength."

* * *

_So, I know a LOT of this chapter was conversation. But, I felt that a lot needed to be said without so much in the description. Hope that's all right with you all! I promise some smutty goodness is coming up soon! Poor Kandy-pants has to be all healed up! ;) Can't have him busting his hip up more while doing the wild thing! Though, I do admit, that it'd probably be rather comical in a way..._

_Anyways. I love all you readers and reviewers! Thank you so very much for all of your encouragements and helpful comments! _

_Thanks to:_

**_Sweet Veleno, Azkateelia, xxSnowxxAngelxx, OMGILoveToOmNomNoms, Darkhellia666, and all other readers and reviewers!_**

_You guys really help me with every time you review. Big 3's to you all!_

_Thanks! _

**_E.H._**


	17. Some Sort of Sweet Satisfaction

_**Author's Note:**_

_There's a bitter sweet emotion running round inside me right now... After finishing this chapter, it was the end. At least for this particular story. As for plotline, I have the next part a brewing! I hope this has been as interesting an adventure for you as it has been for me. I have to say, this is the longest fiction I've ever completed. _

_That being said, I'm sort of sad to see the ending. Yet, oddly happy too. Just as a side note: I changed the lyrics for the chapter title from what is actually in the song S.O.S. Anything but Love. I do not own the song, the characters, or the wonderful imaginings of Hoshino-san. I own the situations! Mwahahaha! _

_Thank you for following this story! Please enjoy the last chapter!_

* * *

**Some Sort of Sweet Satisfaction**  
**Chapter 16  
~Finale~**

A shiver ran down Allen's spine only to travel back up again. He drowsily opened his eyes and found his cheek pressed to Kanda's chest. The sensation on his back continued, assuring Allen it wasn't a shiver. He moved his head just enough to look up into Kanda's face. Kanda's eyes were open and staring at the ceiling; his face was painted in passiveness. Allen smiled softly to himself as he realized it was Kanda's fingers tracing goose bumps up and down his spine. Kanda let out a deep breath and looked down at Allen. He looked almost surprised at first that younger man was awake. His hand stilled for a moment before continuing again.

"Sleep well?" Allen murmured.

"No."

"Was your hip bothering you?" Allen pulled himself up onto his own hip, looking worriedly at Kanda.

"No. You're obnoxiously loud snoring kept me awake."

Allen could feel the heat in his face as he turned red. "S-shut up!"

Kanda sighed dramatically, "You almost look cute until you open your mouth up and snore like a hibernating bear."

Allen grit his teeth and raised his fist up, letting it fly. Kanda caught it easily and used that as leverage to roll Allen over and under him. He grinned down at the white-haired man. His hip only throbbed a little in protest now. It was merely an agitation now, rather than excruciating pain from the break. Allen glared back at Kanda; he wasn't about to lose this little domination game. He kicked his knee up and used the heel of his foot against the mattress to shove himself up. He rolled himself to the side, this time pinning Kanda down. He didn't waste any time and threw his legs over Kanda, on either side of his hips. Gripping the older man's wrists, he pushed them down to his sides. With a victorious grin he stared down at Kanda.

"When you snore, you sound like a rabid dog."

"I don't snore!" Kanda protested and bucked his hips up, to throw Allen off.

"Do to! I would know!"

A snort. "Tch."

Allen chuckled and leaned forward. He held his lips right above Kanda's. "Best part, is when you make this funny whimpering sound in your sleep…"

Kanda kicked one leg up and threw all his body weight into throwing Allen off. Allen flew off the bed and hit the floor with a loud thud and 'oomf!'. Kanda followed after him and used his knees to pin Allen's legs down while he wrestled his arms up and over his head.

"I may whimper in my sleep, but what's your excuse, Allen?"

"I don't whim-" Allen's eyes went huge when Kanda removed one hand, still holding his arms down with the other, and placed it under his pants waistband. With a grin that was positively evil, Kanda found his prize. Allen swallowed the lump that grew in this throat as Kanda's hand wrapped around his member and began to gently, slowly torture him. His previous retort died out into the very thing he'd been about to say he didn't do.

"I forgot how hypocritical you could be…"

"That's not…my fault…"

Kanda stopped his hand's motions to look at Allen. His facial expression changed from seductive to guilt. He removed his hand and moved away from Allen. Allen cursed himself and hit his head against the floor lightly before moving after Kanda.

"Kanda…" He grabbed said man by the elbow. "I didn't mean it that way…"

Kanda snorted and looked away. "I get it. It is my fault. I was really wrong."

"Yu." Allen turned Kanda's face to look at him. He opened his mouth several times to say something but found he couldn't find the right words. Instead, he moved close and pressed his lips to Kanda's. His arms acted on their own accord as they wrapped around Kanda's neck.

Kanda sighed into the kiss and gave in, pulling Allen closer by his hips. He ran his tongue along Allen's bottom lip, asking for permission. Allen acquiesced willingly, opening his mouth in reception. Kanda's tongue moved in and began to dance with Allen's own. Allen felt his moan escape before he could think to stop it. Kanda smiled against Allen's mouth as he carefully pushed Allen back. He gently guided Allen to lie on the floor. Allen took Kanda's hand and re-guided it down to his waistband. Kanda slipped his hand down again and began to massage Allen's manhood in a slow rhythm of stroking. Allen's breath began to come in quick pants as he moved his hips to match the pace.

Allen's right hand slipped away from Kanda's neck and down to Kanda's own pants. With a devious smirk, he unbuttoned the top and yanked the zipper down. In an instant, Allen had pulled Kanda's pants and underwear down just enough to reach his destination. He wrapped his own hand around Kanda and began to pick up the pace that Kanda had set with his own hand. Kanda's control slipped a bit as his hand picked up the speed. He squeezed Allen gently at alternating times. Allen whimpered against Kanda's shoulder, biting his lip as he felt the pressure building up. He gladly returned the favor to Kanda's manhood. Kanda growled low in his throat, right into Allen's ear. A shiver went up Allen's spine. He suddenly let go of Kanda as his own release came all too soon for his taste. Kanda frowned at Allen, put off that he hadn't finished the job and left him rather…painfully ready.

Catching the look on Kanda's face, Allen smirked before he rolled them over. He got a grasp of Kanda's shirt and shoved it up. With Kanda's help, he tore the object from the other man's body and flung it away. He then pushed the pants and underwear down Kanda's legs. He threw them off somewhere; he didn't really care wear at this point. He then settled atop Kanda and kissed him until he left Kanda breathless. Allen then trailed a line of kisses and nips down Kanda's jaw line to his earlobe. There he suckled and bit down gently, marking the surface ever so lightly. He took great pride in every heave of Kanda's chest and gasp. He continued downwards, leaving a wet trail behind. He came upon Kanda's nipple and greedily lavished it; swirling his tongue around, biting, and blowing on it. Kanda brought a hand up to his mouth and bit down on the backside of his palm. Allen took that as a sign of encouragement and moved to the next nipple, giving it the same attention before diverting his path downwards. He licked and suckled over each defined muscle, delved his tongue into the crevice of Kanda's belly button, and finally trailed his kisses lower. He looked up into Kanda's eyes and saw several things there; excitement, lust, desire, and most of all, trust. Allen guided Kanda's manhood up before he took a long lick from the base up to the tip. Kanda's shudders were all he needed for encouragement. He took all of Kanda into his mouth. He didn't take his eyes away from Kanda's as he began to move his head up and down, sucking. His hand came up to wrap around the lower part of Kanda's penis. He moved his hand with the same motions as his mouth.

Kanda groaned deeply at both the sight of what Allen was doing and the very action itself. He couldn't tear his gaze away as the very person he'd once hated gave him such a glorious feeling of pleasure. He could feel jolts zinging from Allen's ministrations all the way up into his stomach. He removed his hand from his mouth to bury it in Allen's hair. He didn't push, though. In fact, he put every ounce of strength he could into holding back from thrusting. He wasn't going to hurt Allen. Never again. He felt a swelling feeling rise up in his chest as he watched Allen give selflessly to him. Allen wasn't getting any pleasure out of doing this to him. There was no reason to do this, besides to give. Kanda felt a few tears prickle at his eyes. The riptide of emotions plus the added feelings of Allen's mouth brought Kanda over the edge. White dots spattered his vision as he felt Allen's name leave his lips in a soft cry. Kanda watched as Allen swallowed in awe. Allen pulled back and wiped his chin with a sheepish look on his face.

"Y-you didn't…have to…do that…" Kanda breathed heavily.

Allen smiled at him, "I know that."

Kanda sat up and pulled Allen to him, yanking his shirt up. Allen cried out in surprise and then laughed. He wiggled out of his shirt and pants. When he was finally naked before Kanda, he shook his head.

"Impatient much?"

Kanda rolled his eyes, and rolled onto his side. "Come here, idiot."

Allen watched and Kanda sat up on his knees and then bent. He stared, completely stupefied. "W-what are you…?"

"It's your turn…" Kanda glanced over his shoulder. He threw a reassuring smile over at Allen.

Allen felt like he'd fallen in love all over again. He smiled and rose up onto his knees. Reaching between Kanda's legs, he rubbed Kanda's manhood for some of the left over seed. Kanda took a sharp intake of air. Allen ran the liquid over his member before he moved to place himself at Kanda's anal entrance. He hesitated and bit his bottom lip.

"Moyashi…" Kanda growled, "Don't you dare tease me and then run away."

Allen blinked before glaring at Kanda's back. "Who said anything about running away."

He took a deep breath and pressed forward and into Kanda. He grit his teeth but couldn't hold in the groan. It was so warm and tight; welcoming him home. Allen pressed in as far as his own body would allow him. He could feel Kanda's tense muscles wound tightly. He settled his hands on Kanda's hips and slowly pulled out. Right when he was almost all the way out, he pressed back in. The hiss from Kanda made Allen pause. He remembered the pain he'd gone through and didn't want to put Kanda through that.

"Are you all right?"

"It's fine…don't stop yet…"

Allen nodded and pulled back and push back in. He let his eyes flutter close. The feeling of Kanda to tightly embracing him was almost too much. Allen felt the need to up the pace. He began to thrust a little stronger and quicker. Kanda hissed again, throwing his head back. Allen didn't slow, but grew a little quicker in his thrusts. Kanda groaned and began to meet Allen's thrusts by pushing back into his hips. Allen slid his left hand around and cupped Kanda. He began to stroke Kanda in time with his thrusts. Kanda's panting and moans grew in volume. Allen grunted and moaned with Kanda. Kanda reached an arm back and grabbed Allen's hip.

"H-harder, A-Allen…"

Allen complied and strengthened his thrusts. He began to move even faster. The sounds of their bodies hitting one another grew in volume. Kanda's arms gave out as he fell to his elbows, moaning and meeting Allen, thrust for thrust. His throat felt dry; his body on fire. Sweat dripped down his forehead and sides. Allen leaned forward, propping up a leg.

"A-Allen!" Kanda cried out in bliss.

"Y-Yu!"

They both grew quicker in pace. Their desperate dance for release building higher and higher. Kanda exploded in Allen's hand with a deep groaning of Allen's name. Allen thrust a few more times before his hips stilled as his body fell into a free-fall climax. The edges of his vision turned blinding white. His body twitched several times before he finally finished emptying himself in Kanda. He slipped out and fell backwards onto the floor panting. Kanda rolled to the side and looked at Allen with a lazy smile. He moved to his hands and knees and crawled to Allen. Allen groaned at the sight.

"If I…had any…energy left…" Allen stared at Kanda hungrily.

"Mmm…you think…that's it?" Kanda grinned and crawled over Allen. Allen felt his pulse thundering in his chest. Kanda dipped his head down and ran his tongue from Allen's shoulder up to his ear. Allen whimpered.

"There's more?"

"Always…"

Kanda moved to pin Allen down. He took possession of Allen's mouth with fervor. Allen met Kanda's passion equally; he reached up and buried his hand in Kanda's hair, lying back down on the floor. Kanda pressed his groin to Allen's and began to move his hips. Allen's eyes flew wide open before shutting again. He moaned deeply into Kanda's mouth. Both men pulled away from each other panting as they ground against one another. Allen dropped his head back, hitting the floor as he cried out. Kanda felt his second orgasm coming on quickly after the first two. Allen's came on like a crashing wave, taking him under as he felt himself give up. Kanda chuckled in Allen's ear right before he groaned deeply as his own orgasm pulled him over the edge. He barely managed to hold himself up. He carefully laid himself down on top of Allen in a way that wouldn't crush the smaller male.

Allen regained his breath. He looked at Kanda's face, into his dark eyes. He smiled and reached over to rest his hand on Kanda's face. He wasn't afraid to say it now.

"I love you…"

Kanda laid his hand on Allen's. Allen thought for a split second that Kanda was about to tear his hand away and tell him that he didn't feel the same. His heart stopped for a moment as he felt his tears fight to come forth at the thought of rejection now.

"Idiot…" Kanda turned and kissed Allen's palm. "I love you as well…"

Allen's heart soared as he turned and fell asleep again in Kanda's embrace. Even if the world ended around them, he wouldn't care. Kanda wrapped his heart into his arms, knowing that if he had to give his last life he'd do it for Allen without hesitation. He'd found his worth in Allen's eyes.

X.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.X

Lenalee sat before her brother, knowing what was coming. It wasn't as if he hadn't known where they'd gone; what they'd been up to. Well, at least mission wise. Her legs were fully healed now. Not that the memories didn't bring enough pain with them or anything, but she was happy to have use of them again. She brought her attention back to her brother.

"What you two did was dangerous. Not to mention against the regulations." Komui drawled tonelessly at them. Protocol was protocol after all! "You could be court-marshaled for your behavior. Not to mention the fact that you were injured upon this mission. That being said…good job, you two. It's good to have you home, Kanda-kun."

Kanda nodded with a non-committal grunt.

Allen rolled his eyes. "So much for 'thank you'."

"Tch."

"'Tch' isn't an answer, BaKanda!"

"Tch."

Allen growled, a vein showing up on his forehead. "'Tch' this, Bakanda!" He threw a punch at the older male.

Kanda drew Mugen, "Oi! Moyashi!"

Lenalee felt a smile tug at her lips as the two boys dragged their fight out of the office, into the hallway. She knew where the fight was headed, as it had done so the previous times at the lodge. They were loud. She would have had to be deaf, blind, and dumb to miss the obvious sparks of sexual tension in their eyes. With a sigh she turned back to her brother.

"It's nice to have them back to normal…"

"Indeed it is." Komui's smile faltered. "We have reports in. There've been rumors that Rhode Camelot is not quite…dead."

Lenalee felt her shoulders stiffen.

"There's a chance the Noah will go on the offence…"

Lenalee closed her eyes and centered herself. When she opened them again, sheer determination shone within. "And I'll be ready for them when they do."

"Putting protocol aside…are you going to be able to handle it?"

"They took my family from me. They hurt Kanda. They hurt Allen by hurting Kanda." She glared venomously at the wall behind Komui. "To be honest, nii-san…?"

Komui nodded for her to continue.

"I want to slaughter them all." At the paling of Komui's face, she smiled softly. "_But_, that would be against all I stand for. So instead, I will train myself to be stronger. I'll be ready for them. When they come…and I know they will…they won't get by so easily this time."

Komui sighed and sat back in his chair. "If that is how you truly feel…than I'll discuss having General Klaudnine take you on for training."

Lenalee nodded, stood, and dismissed herself. She walked out of her brother's office and off toward the training room. She had a lot to do and no time to waste. The clock was ticking and it was only a matter of time as to when the Noah would exact their revenge…

* * *

_There you go! Hopefully that smutty lemony cookie was of decent proportion! I tried to make it detailed and long just for you all! _

_I hope you all have enjoyed this story! Look for the continuation VERY soon! _

_A huuuuuuge thank you goes out to all of you who ever reviewed! You guys are amazing. You've uplifted me and helped me get the courage back to write again. Because of this, I'll be writing a sequel in honor of all of my reviewers! I'm also planning to write a few little yaoi one-shots for all of you who'll be a-craving your Yullen! ^.^ _

_Again, thank you so, so, so much! _

_Sincerely,_

**_Erika __Hearken_ **


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